Girl on wheels

Ten

"Jamie get up. Come on we're gonna be late." I wake up to James telling me this. I rub my eyes and check the time. 8am. What the hell! I near enough jump out of bed and get into my chair wheeling myself to my wardrobe to get some clothes out. I was still in my clothes from yesterday but noticed James we changed. He still had on the same jeans but had one of my oversized hoodies on. It said "messy hair, don't care" on it which I thought was very fitting considering his current state of hair. He packed my bag for me as I attempted to get changed. It took me more then ten minutes but at the latest we needed to leave at 8:40 so it was okay. He grabbed some snacks and shoved them in my bag while near enough wheeling me out the door with him. Let's just say it was a mad rush. I got into the car and took my bag from him as he put my chair in the back. He got in the front, smiled at me and started the drive to school.

"Why didn't you wake me up earlier?" I asked after finishing my 'breakfast' which consisted of a packet of crisps. "I had only woken up a few minutes before you did. I literally got changed then woke you up. Also thanks for the hoodie. It's very comfy." He smirks. "Dick." Is all I reply before finishing the packet and leaving the wrapper in my pocket for when I find a bin. He's the dick not me. Maybe I am a dick. Maybe I'm too rude. Why do I always mess things up? Why is it always me? Just why? My heart rate goes up and I begin sweating. I can feel that I'm on the verge of an attack. I stay quiet and try to regulate my breathing. All the while my thoughts are going crazy in my head. A tear drops. Two tears drop. More start flowing. Stop crying stop being a wuss. There is no reason for you to be crying. Stop it now. You're so weak. It was at that point all the tears were flowing. I couldn't speak from the overwhelming feeling of anxiety and James was freaking out beside me. I gave him a thumbs up to try and get him to keep driving but he pulled over and got out the car. Why do I always mess things up. I'm such a fuck up. I always ruin everything. He opens the car door and pulls me into a hug. "It's gonna be okay. Just breathe." I lean my head on his shoulder and let everything out. I was snotty crying in front of him for the second time this week. I had somewhat managed to calm down in a few minutes and said in a quiet voice "Thanks." To James in which he squeezed me tighter and proceeded to let go, getting back into his side of the car. "Do you want to go home?" He asks looking over at me. Do I want to go home? I don't know. I feel like a mess and don't want to see anyone else today. I nod my head yes and he says "okay." Before pulling back into the road and taking us home.

When we arrived back at mine, James asked if I wanted him to carry me in. I just said yes because at this point I didn't want to be outside any longer then I had to be. He took my keys and went and opened the front door, before coming back to get me out of the car. He opened the car door and lifted me up, one arm under my legs the other at my back. I rested my head on his shoulder again and he took me into the house. "Sofa or bed?" I put two fingers up to indicate the second option and he took me into my room. He put me gently down on the bed and grabbed a blanket off the sofa for me. I nodded my head thanks, still not felling very ready to talk. He went back out of my room and returned a few minutes later with my wheelchair. He rolled it up next to my bed, "is it alright if I go to school? Or do you want me to stay?" I think about my options here. If he stays I'll be taking away his day of being at school but if he goes I'll be lonely. Why do I always have to make the decisions. "Go. Water and food please?" I ask with the minimal amount of words needed. He nods and leaves my room, returning minutes later with two bottles of water and a lot of snacks for me. "Thanks." I reply as he puts them all down next to me on the empty side of my bed, the side where he was laying last night. I want him to stay so badly but I don't want him to stay at the same time. Why are my emotions so confusing to me. I lift my arms up for a hug and he leans in. "Thanks" I say planting a kiss on his cheek. My turn to be the one to make him blush. I see I have successfully achieved my plan when he stands back up and near enough runs out of my room. "Bye!" I manage to shout before I hear the front door close.

I stayed in bed the whole day, getting up a few times to go to the bathroom but other then that I stayed in the same spot James had left me. Chloe had called me at lunch to see how I was doing and said her and Lea would come over tonight to see me. And Bandit could give me cuddles and kisses. I had asked where James was but they both seemed hesitant to tell me for some reason. I didn't push, but it did add to my anxiety and I had to end the call earlier then I would have liked to. Afterwards I sent James a message "you coming over tonight? If not then I'll see you tomorrow morning. Thanks for what you did this morning, I really appreciate it." I didn't get a reply but It did say that he had seen it. Dick. I was starting to get worried but told myself I was overreacting so I left it.