Girl on wheels

Twenty Five

"He's not who he says he is."
This is all Lea says before she hangs up. What? My heart rate quickens and Astro leaps into my lap.

When James comes into my house that night, I decide I should ask him about it. I've been filled with anxiety for the whole afternoon and Astro was trying her best to do her job.

"U-u-uh James, Lea says you're not who you say you a-are. Why?" I question into the darkness as we laid in bed. "She's messing with you. Just ignore her." He says quickly. "O-okay." I reply suddenly quiet.

I thought once I had asked my anxiety would go away, but if anything it came back harder. Consequently sending me into an attack again. Astro saved the day and we managed to cut the attack short but James was there beside me with worry evident in his face. He must feel so bad for me. Why do I always do this to people?

That morning me and Astro got ready and as soon as James had walked in the door he said "I don't want you seeing Lea or Chloe today. They clearly aren't helping you at all." I agree with him because clearly my anxiety has been through the roof and Lea is making way worse then it should be. But why can't I see Chloe? She hadn't done anything. Oh well, he's only looking out for me.

That day we went to school and ignored them both. I felt terrible ignoring Chloe and Lea but I knew it was for the best as James had suggested it , but somewhere deep down I knew it wasn't right.
Astro got really confused at lunch when Bandit didn't turn up and she sulked the whole time. Typical dog.

Now we were home and James was cuddled up next to me on the sofa. I felt so safe with him, I know he's always looking out for me.

We were watching a movie on the TV when Astro started to get really happy and bark towards something outside. "Quiet!" I told her but she refused. So much for being a well trained dog eh? The doorbell rang and James got up to go and see who it was. I watched him from the sofa as he opened the door to reveal Lea and Chloe, with bandit of course. That's why Astro was so excited. Duhhhhh. "Bandit missed out on playing at lunch and was sulking the whole time. We decided to come and have a doggy play date at yours instead!"Chloe says as she barges past James with an excited looking Lea following behind her.

The dogs were now in the garden playing together while we all watched them. I crawled outside and was leant up against the back wall while the others were beside me. "Astro was sulking too. She missed you guys today." I say as James shoots me a look. What the fuck is happening and what the fuck is up with him.
He really isn't happy and I have no idea why.

In the end, James ended up kicking Chloe and Lea out of the house making some bad excuse about something. To which, I promptly lost my temper with him once they had left.

"I don't know what is up with you but you need to fix it. They are my friends and are treating me better then you are at the moment." I shout at him. "Yeah well, they make you so much worse then you already are Jamie. I'm protecting you! Just listen to me. I love you! I want what's best for you!" He shouts back as his voice cracks and he breaks down crying.

And that is how we ended up cuddled up in my bed again. He was sad so it was my job to comfort him. I love him too and I want to protect him. Sometimes I just need to listen to those around me. I don't like to see him sad, especially when it's due to me.

That night I fell asleep with the voice in my head acting as if he was on crack.