Change; An Edwin Honoret Fanfiction

38

"Edwin. I can't... you say I'm being dramatic but you quite literally took a sledgehammer and destroyed every ounce of trust, love and respect I had for you. Quite frankly, I don't think I'm overreacting at all"  

Earlier.

Farewelling Edwin at the airport has to be one of the hardest things I've ever done in my eighteen years of living.

After Edwin and I slept together, which nobody knows about by the way, that's basically how we spent our next twenty four hours together. We booked a hotel and everything. It was a lot.

After we finally found a way to control one another, and ourselves, we got completely shitfaced and partied until like 5am or something insane like that, which is strange because I don't like to drink. At all. But alas, it was my last day with Edwin for a while and he and I both decided that if we were going to go out we were going to go out with a bang.

Literally. And not just one either.

Obviously being hungover, neither of us felt like it would be safe to drive, so we called a cab. I would've asked someone to drive us but this moment was going to be personal and I knew that, so I didn't want to make the said person feel like a complete and utter third wheel.

I get how that feels. It's shit.

At the airport, all of the other boys had gone through security already but Edwin had insisted to management that he has to see me for as long as he can, so we kinda just hugged each other for a solid ten minutes.

"I'll miss you so much" he mumbled into my neck, after hearing his flight be called out over the P.A.

And then he was gone. I'm proud of him for his achievements and all that he's doing but that didn't make this whole process easier.

It's now been three months since Edwin left for tour and honestly? I've been a mess. Not only did I have limited time to mentally prepare myself for his departure but also I've never had to deal with someone leaving me before. Lucas was so clingy it became abusive, if that even begins to put it into perspective, so this is uncharted territory for me.

The first month was the hardest. I can't front, the first week I was completely okay because Edwin and I have a relationship where we're able to not speak on the daily yet we're completely okay with one another. Which I'm very thankful for.

But after that first week I got an unusual feeling in the depths of my chest which Hanna explained. I feel, quote unquote, 'homesick.' I didn't believe her at first because I was literally in my room when she said it but now I understand.

Home is the place where you feel safe, comfortable and happy. Whether you find that in a person or place is irrelevant. I find that in Edwin. Which makes me vulnerable, and I despise that. But nevertheless I still miss him.

This feeling in my chest continuously got larger until I got to the point where I didn't leave my bed for days at a time due to this weight that I hadn't experienced before. My body felt like seven times heavier then it actually is.

The second month was a little better. I became content with the fact that Edwin and I had a long distance relationship and I learnt to cherish our FaceTime calls knowingly, because this tour is only five months and he will be back soon enough. I learnt that I'd be okay.

I got out of the house and did things alone, when to dinner alone and even went to the movies by myself too. Although, in the second week of this month my situational anxiety got really bad because of the change I was facing. That went away after around twelve days though.

Now it's the third month and I remain grateful, anxiety free and only a little without my egg around me.

I hear footsteps approaching my room, and before I know it a loud voice is yelling my name from outside my door.

"Abigail!" Riley says as she waltzes into the room as if it's her own, "I need your help"

I roll my eyes which seems to be expected by her, "that's all you ever need from me Riley, what's up?"

"Well" she starts, "I want to go on a roadtrip and nobody will come with me-"

"Hang on, hang on, hang on. First of all, you're asking me as if I'm literally your last resort which isn't really making your chances of me saying yes any better"

"But-"

"Secondly, our album releases in a month Riles. Unless you want a road trip that lasts two months-"

"Fine!" She cuts me off, "we'll catch a flight. I just really want to go to Disneyland!"

My eyes widen in realisation. Hanna, Laura and I were having a conversation about how each of us puked at least once on a Disneyland ride and although Riley was in the room, she was particularly quiet.

"You've never been?!" I screech, "that's insane Riley, surely you went with us"

"I don't wanna talk about what happened the week you guys went but no, I didn't" she mumbles, and a bubbling frenzy of laughter escapes my lips.

I feel her slap my shoulder, but as I remember just how horrifying she looked when she had the sickness that she did the stinging goes away.

"You got it the next week, remember-"

"But I remember you trying to go to the shop-" I say through my laughter, but I'm quickly cut off before I could bring up the memory.

"Don't want to talk about it" She grumbles, and I finally manage to stop laughing.

Riley walked into Walmart with every intention of buying some decor for her room, but instead she ended up puking inside of a lifesize garden gnome that had an open mouth. Honestly? I didn't even know they had those.

Due to the fact that Hanna and I were with her, she wasn't able to put it in her backseat and as it was covered in puke, there's no way that Hanna and I were going to touch it.

After that all went down and we finally got it home as Riley was forced to buy it, Hanna and Laura took her temperature and decided she wasn't fit to go to Disneyland.

Seeing the heartbreak on her tiny little face, it broke my heart to.

So going with her now is something I can do to make myself feel less bad about going last time.

I sigh, "I guess we're going to Disneyland"

Hi it's been a long time and by long time I mean two fucking months I'm so sorry but damn I'm inspired and I have some juicy shit coming up for y'all anyway happy new year