petal poetry

middle of night

01:04 01/02/2019

it hurts
being your friend
cause it's just me
having to pretend
that i'm okay
again

and it's bad
that a few individuals
with read this and blame themselves
for my withdrawal
caused
by my inner war

and it's my fault
for being so broken
and so sensitive to words
i can't remember being spoken

and those few people
will look amongst themselves
and wonder what anyone did
to cause this hell
for me

i blame the coffee
and the vinyl collections
i can't afford

and the skinny jeans
that are too skinny for me
yet still too broad

i blame too many things
and find myself
singing sad songs all the time

my negativity
became a piece of me
and i keep saying that i want to die

and i apologise
for not responding
while staring right into your eyes
but ignoring your calls
and your smiles

and i'm so sorry
that i disappear
and make you worry
i just don't believe that anyone could be worried
about me
blame my brain, please

my heart's just so broken
the masking tape
doesn't seem like it could solve it
so i just look away
and hope that it will
anyway

and i don't feel worth it
you're so careful so i had to be careless
couldn't take your role cause then we would be against
each other
so i called myself reckless
instead

and please leave quietly
my mind is too loud to listen
politely
i'll start crying in my corner
but please don't mind me
i feel like this
all the time

01:24 01/02/2019