petal poetry

nauseous

12:28 12/07/2017

something strange inside of me
my hands shake
it's hard to breathe

it feels like the world is watching me
there are decisions to be made
hearts to break
help me

i can't choose
my life is a wound
it only heals to be cut open again

i don't know where i'm going
a ticket with no destination
i'm not afraid of flying
or am i

i'm not making sense
the words are rumbling in my head
my fingers tremble as they're pulled by threads
for the puppet master still isn't dead

but he's letting me pick my future
calling me a fool
knowing i'll regret my choice
as i always do

he doesn't believe in me
and neither do i
i'm scared of my choice for we're all going to
die

i don't want leave you just yet
saying you miss me doesn't help
all of you are so nice to me
what will happen once i leave

i've done this before
it can only get worse
that curly haired girl
only calls every three months

i miss her too much to reconnect
i know it won't happen
we won't be the same friends

now the same will happen with more
i'll start another life
just as i wished

but i won't be dead
i will still think
i will still miss you
how do i pick

i don't want to leave
but there's so much pulling me
it's my destiny
but i already miss you
too much

12:36 12/07/2017