My Tragical Happiness

Chapter Eighteen: His Dream

Sebastian's POV

I found the ceiling staring back at me as I opened my eyes. Why does my chest feel so heavy? Why does this day feel so different? I felt too bothered by the previous events especially when I realized it wasn't a dream.

I sat up from the bed and took a shower to go to Fabian's house. But what bothered me most is that she didn't say 'good night' to me last night. I thought that maybe she low at, but there were also no 'good mornings' she was always the one to wake up first to greet. No reply even after my shower. I speed walked to her house and knocked on their gates.

No avail.

The thing in my chest felt heavier made it hard to breathe. I felt fear. Two years ago I felt it bittersweet when she became mine. Yeah, I felt like the happiest man having her but it felt tragic at the same time cause she gave me something I'm afraid to lose.

"Fabian? Please answer the door."I shouted her name multiple times. I almost begged the door for it to open and show Fabian. But it felt like nobody even heard me. The house was oddly silent and dark inside. All windows closed, doors are locked, I only see a few things in their garage than usual.

No, it can't be.

"Hey, Aaron? Good morning. Why are you knocking there helplessly? Didn't Fabian told you the already moved out?" I was startled by Miss Deguzman. An old lady who lived next door.

But her words hardly processed in my head.

When mom left me or hurts like hell. But the girl who fixed you leaving you? Felt I just died. Tears threatened to stream out from my eyes. My legs shook, I felt so weak. I laughed so hard like a lunatic while crying.

"My life is so funny Miss Deguzman. One word to describe my life? Joke! My life is all just a joke!" I laughed like it was the funniest shit in the whole world.

*********

Tables turned suddenly. My dad was so worried about me. I was a total mess and I didn't fucking care. A week without her felt like a year. My whole life without her felt so depressing. I didn't realize she was my world and everything. It felt like she took a big piece of me away with her.

I didn't eat. I only lay in bed and got drunk all day all night. The day she left I cried none stop for three consecutive days. But now I just feel so numb, I felt like my systems are just blank. "Aaron! You have to eat at least! Your killing yourself son."

For the first time in the whole week, I laughed. A bitter one. "I already died, dad." Should I be thankful my heart is still beating even if it feels so numb? I never felt so weak in my entire life, all my strength felt drained.

My dad tried to comfort me. Tried to make me feel better. We watched comedy movies, but even if my dad found it so funny I find it totally boring. He tried taking me out of my room, but I didn't. I can't. Cause I knew I'll just remember her. Every effort my dad did barely help me. I knew he felt frustrated and totally devastated.

I ran to the bathroom and vomited at the toilet. My vision was blurry but I saw red liquid, blood. Until I felt so dizzy and passed out.

I opened my eyes to find myself staring at the ceiling. I still feel so sick. I glance at the door when it opened, expecting my dad to come in but my heart pounded seeing her.

"Sebs. You're awake." I just stare at her with widen eyes. Hearing her voice once again, saying my nickname felt music in my ears. I couldn't help but get up and run to her. Not thinking twice I gave her a bear hug.

She hugged me back tightly as I felt tears of relief running down my cheeks. I pulled out and held her face with both hands. She feels so real.

She smiled and kissed me.

********

"The cause of this is because his stomach has nothing to digest. And a lack of water is the cause of dehydration. He has to have a proper eating routine and drink a lot of water. Before anything gets worse." I hear the doctor explain but none of it processed in my head.

"Thanks doc." I hear my dad reply.

My mind was fully awaken but I remain my eyes closed. I could feel some weight in my chest, feeling so disappointed. I wish I could just stay in that dream, at least even if it's not real I could still be with her.

"Son, please don't kill yourself because of her. I know the feeling and I don't want you to take the way I took. I know it's hard but you have to hold on cause you still have a life to live."

"But dad I just feel totally lifeless.." I felt the warmth of my dad's hand as he held mine. "It feels like I just died twice. First with mom and now with her." I whispered loud enough

"I know. She is really something else. She was an eye opener for me and showed me the real reason why I shouldn't waste my life. And you were the reason" he lightly squeezed my hand. "She made me realize how wrong and stupid I was. And please let me help you Aaron. Help yourself, I trust Fabian that she surely had a good reason to leave cause I feel that leaving you wasn't also easy for her. She wouldn't be happy if you continue this behavior."

I sigh in defeat. I wish I could just sleep. Please wake me up when everything is over.

*********

A month has passed. A month felt like a year though, but at least my life is recovering back to its normal way slowly. I tried my best to listen my dad and let him help me as I help myself.
But still working on being happy. It's hard to be happy when you lost your one and only happy pill.

My dad usually kept me company and avoiding me to be left a lot here at our house. We watch movies, do some board games like chess, trying to learn how to cook even though we are both so bad at it. And more activies that are usually in doors.

Then now my dad told me since he knew I wanted to be a cop since I was little maybe I was interested in doing a little training. Going to a shooting range or training for kickboxing. He was asking me to start to go out doors. After some time I finally smiled.

My dad didn't forget about my biggest dream.

But it suddenly faded when I recalled something.

Our biggest dream.

I sighed. I know she is not here. But even I'll still do my best to achieve it. Even though she's not here. I recalled we talked about it. Studying to a cop school and training for being a cop is a challenge that's why we swore and promised to each other that no matter how hard it is will make sure to make it come true, the stars as our witness.

But I didn't expect I'll be achieving it alone.