My Tragical Happiness

Chapter Twenty: One Man

I parked my motorbike and walked my way to the beach as my shoes sank through the sand. I breathed the fresh air and looked up at the beautiful sky, my eyes admired the colors blue, red and orange that collided to create a beautiful view. It was almost sunset that's why. I now stared at the sea that feels like that no matter how hard I stare to find the island across, I saw nothing but water that looks endless.

I sighed as if it could lessen the pain I feel. How I long for him. Even if months already passed. If he thinks this was easy for me, hell no. But if leaving him will build back his family, then I'm willing to sacrifice. But I couldn't help but feel guilty about leaving and deciding for on relationship without his agreement or opinion. Cause I know you won't let me leave. And you would make it hard for me to leave. I'm sorry my love.

I felt the tears drop from my eyes. Months felt like years without you. Pain and guilt made it hard for me to continue my journey. I decided to be independent and live on my own. I can't stay with my family who ruined my life. If this stupid American Dream is supposed to make my life better, it just ruined it.

But instead of being a bitch and rebel, I still don't want to ruin my life completely, cause I know he wouldn't be happy if I did that. And I'm doing this for myself cause I still have my hopes and dreams. Dreams that we built together, but everything felt like it shattered in just a snap. But I will achieve that dream, even if I am not with you.

But I must say I've changed a lot. It feels like my personality was the one who rebelled. I never felt genuine happiness since then. Everything felt so cold and blank. I felt so numb from all the hardships and pain. I became more silent than usual, I didn't care about my surroundings.

I lived and rented an apartment alone. My parents paid for my needs, I had a credit card where they stock the money for my bills. At first they didn't want me to live alone. They demanded that I have to stay.

"No young lady! You're staying here whether you like it or not!" My dad shouted in front of my face as I tried to ask permission--- oh wait, no. I wasn't asking for permission, I was just informing them that I decided to live alone.

I faced him, anger in my eyes. Maybe if I was a cartoon character, my eyes are for sure burning with ceaseless fire. I felt the hate and anger through my whole system. Especially to dad, I feel so pressured and suffocated to this house. Everything feels so limited when I'm with him. I glared at him with stares like daggers piercing through him. But he didn't back off and stood in front of me proving his power and authority towards me.

"No dad, " I tried my very best not to shout and to stay calm. "I had let you take me here even if I don't want to. I had left him just for this fucking American Dream! And I won't let you dictate and demand everything I should do in my wholw life. I'm a grown up already who could decide for her own! I can't stay with you on the same roof right now."  I calmly but coldly said a blank expression.

*SLAP!*

"Diego!" I finally felt the presence of mom as she tried to stop dad from slapping me too hard. She ran to me and held my face worried. I know she understands what I feel. But it hurts to my part that she couldn't do anything to fight for me. For us. I knew she supported and was excited how would my relationship with Sebastian could escalate. But I also know she promised Lolo Felipe for this dream, the reason why she can't do anything. I suffered more than how they suffered before.

For a moment, I wished I was pregnant. At least I have something strong to fight for him. For our family. I felt so guilty cause it feels like I made him feel how it was easy for me to leave him as if he wasn't important. That he wasn't worth fighting for. It really hurts leaving him without goodbyes, without closures. I envy mom and dad, at least they had the chance to fight for their love. But now I feel so defeated and weak.

"My dear Fabian, " mom calmly said with a soothing sweet voice. But it didn't lessen my negative emotions even just for a bit. "You have to stay here. Please understand okay? Now I looked at her as if she said the most stupid thing in the world!

"Mom? What? Understand? But that's all what I have done! I've been selfless and always understand!" I looked at both of my parents. "But none of you dared to understand me. You didn't let me fight for my love." I felt crying cause everything feels too much. Too much to handle. "Now please! It's your turn to understand me." without saying another word I walked out of the door with my bag and hurriedly stopped a taxi. I heard mom calling me to come back, but I didn't listen and hopped in the vehicle.

I got everything planned before leaving. Cause I know situations like this could happen. I already found an apartment before I packed my things. And I am expected to move there today. But even if I hated my family, I still told them where I rented an apartment. I don't want them to be too worried. They still supported my needs and sent my credit card and papers for my enrollment with the course 'Criminology'.

Months passed, after dismissal I usually went to this secluded beach before going home. I bought my own motorbike to make travelling easier.  How did I learn? Peer influence. Every day I wanted to watch the sunset, as the sun rises to where he is. Its unexplainable how it calms me. I miss you.

As the sun completely sank through the sea, all was left was the orange sky with the clouds changing shapes time to time because of the wind. I finally decided to go, I rode my motorbike and started its engine as I drove home.

As I got home I lay in bed feeling so tired. I could finally breathe and felt the freedom in me. But I never felt so lonely. Living here isn't easy, even if I knew their language. This is way-way-way different from my previous country. I had to adjust and learn so I wouldn't feel out of place. It was a hassle to learn everything alone. The money, food, people, language. The whole environment is different!
But as time pass by, you'll learn.

I had a lot of suitors actually. I never felt so noticed and appreciated by men. I was noticed by my talent on how I was so observant and smart to solve something. My detective skills got them. And they say I had this strong but cold personality that they find challenging. But I always felt sad cause I couldn't help but recall him. He was the one who was always with me to solve cases like that. It was our entertainment, but now you're not here.

I was now known as the Silent Detective Newbie. Girls hated me, while guys appreciated me. But I didn't care about them cause they weren't my priority. I was like a new flavor to taste. A new post on Facebook that is going viral. A new interesting brand to try. Yeah, that's me.

I still had that group of friends who are mostly members of a gang or frat. They tried to recruit me but I refused. I'm close with my friends here but not close enough for me to trust and open up with them.

But no matter how many suitors I had. My heart only wanted and desired one man.