Prinxiety One Shots

Sanders Sides as Stupid Things My Friends Have Said pt 2

Hello again everyone! The last time I did this, which wasn't all that long ago, people seemed to really like it. I've gotten about enough quotes to do another so I hope you enjoy this collection of stupidity.

(Fun contest for no good reason: If someone can guess at least two of these quotes that were said by my crazy biology teacher I'll put any story request from them front and center on my list of things to do)

Patton

"Just ten minutes ago I was eating cake and now I want to murder my driveway."

"Wait, 15 plus 5 is 20?" Logan: "Did- Did you just figure that out?" Patton: "I thought it was thirty!" Logan: "God save us all"

"All of my brain cells have been replaced with yogurt I'm sorry"

*In a weird old-timey miner accent* "Aw heckity heck, I only got schmeck"

*Showing something off like an idiot* Thomas: "Is that your Vanna White impression?" Patton: "Yep, that's it, that's as close as it gets. But for a couple bucks, I'll put on a dress."

"What is Valentine's Day?" Virgil: "A capitalist scam."

"It's easier if you have girl hands, like I do"

*In high school* Virgil: "We all want to die, it's high school." Patton: "I don't want to die!" Virgil: "Good for you, you're special"

Roman (a Freddie Mercury stan)

*fussing with a pillow* "Why won't you just bend to my will? How hard is it to submit to a tyrannical overlord when you're a sequined pillow?"

"If Morgan Freeman is god then Freddie Mercury is jesus"

"It's like Fight Club, it doesn't exist"

*At Virgil* "Your attitude about everything just sucks."

*Furious* "I can put up with a lot of things but denying Freddie Mercury's existence isn't one of them"

"Dare I say karma?" Virgil: "Dare I say shut the fuck up" Roman: "Dare I say don't be a hypocrite or a little elf will come in your room and delete your tumblr account hoe"

"In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, all of which are Freddie Mercury, amen"

Logan: "I love math." Roman: "Logan, either you're lying to me, or you're lying to yourself."

*talking to Remy about a picture caption* "How much effort did you put into making these horses into Starbucks orders?"

"Richard Nixon would be Richard Nixon's best friend"

Logan

*Bursts through the door* "Who wants to learn about MALARIA!"

"My neighbor has perpetual stoned face. His IQ has dropped 50 points since I've met him."

"I did have a six pack when I was a fetus."

"Jeopardy is trying to turn everyone into lesbians." (This was a quote FrOm My MoThEr)

"I'm gonna download Pokémon Yellow onto my graphing calculator and goddamit, I'm gonna catch em' all."

*talking about Remy and Virgil who are doing stupid crap together* "They think they can get drunk off of rubbing alcohol. If they want to test the hypothesis, they can test the hypothesis. It's called natural selection."

"Nothing like putting old people into a maze!"

*Very excited* "It's time to play name the microscope parts!"

*Yelling at his computer when it isn't working* "You piece of feces"

"Microscope lenses will judge you in a way that no one else can."

Virgil

"You better watch your damn mouth you asshat"

*Unintelligible but definitely self-deprecating muttering related to the Great Depression*

"2012 was the dark ages."

"It took so much out of me to actually put on pants today."

"It's just a really depressing t-pose."

*Gay, accusatorily* Are you GAY, Roman???"

"Who needs sleep?" Patton: "Chickens." Virgil: "Chickens are weak."

Patton: "Kiddo, what the heck are you doing?" Virgil, at 4 AM, dressed as Heather Chandler, drinking Gatorade out of a mug, and pretending to have a conversation with his cat: "What do you mean?"

*Painting his nails black in the middle of a video when he should be paying attention* "Lit."

Logan: *mentions that American missionaries were the start of the American annexing of Hawaii* Virgil: *aggressively starts mouthing Two by Two from the Book of Mormon*

*Talking to Thomas* "You are now self-conscious about your thumbs."

"Kindly keep your kinks out of our convo."

*Explaining how Thomas messed something up* "He's gay, he panicked, enough said."

Thomas

"I just awkwardly stared into the eyes of Connor Murphy for a solid three seconds until we got uncomfortable and stopped."

"I love my mama. She does crack."

"Yes, run away and live with your crazy teacher who got possessed by a demon"

"Is this a gay pride thing or just a muscular butterfly?"

"I'm not good at anything except procrastinating and ruining my life."

"You could just say you're governor of the penguins and who's gonna fact check?"

"I swear to god if one more person tries to talk to me I'm going to cry."

*Casually* "So, did anyone get arrested over the weekend?"

"I have to reach gay quota for the day."

"Patton, we've talked about this, you can't really expect Roman to keep his shirt on and you can't just ask if someone's gay."

Deceit

"Remy, you're my favorite right now, but you could lose that at the drop of a dime. I have no loyalties. Don't test me."

Logan: "They used to put cocaine in toothache medicine." Deceit: "Those were the good ol' days.

*to Thomas* "It'll be alright, go take your meds"

*about the Mindscape* "Why is this place so bipolar?"

"Yes, I know I'm an abomination, just let me have my fun"

*picks up a textbook* "Wow, almost as heavy as the weight of my sins!"

*eating white rice at 4 in the afternoon* "Time to beat down on some fifth graders"

"Hydrogen peroxide has many uses. You know, like murder."

*To Logan* "Get better handwriting so I can cheat off you easier."

Remy (Sleep)

*completely unprompted* "Mojo Jojo Siwa."

"I have to stop drinking during lunch."

"You scream at the corn and the corn screams back."

"Woah, I stepped in feelings there for a minute, better shake that off and pretend it never happened"

"I may be a communist but you Americans are in a cult."

"Walking is hard when you have no emotional stability."

*To no one in particular* "What's up, gopher man?"

*Making some strangled screaming noises* "It's the noise you make when you're hiding from a murderer in your house."

"Who needs help when you have drugs?

I'm so sorry
Again
Happy Valentines Day