Prinxiety One Shots

Sanders Sides as Stupid Things My Friends Have Said

After that last chapter which I believe was garbage, I thought we could use something funnier. So here it is, the Sides as stupid quotes off of my stupid document for stupid quotes. (Also there's a few extreme things on here but I promise they're facetious please don't call the cops on me and my friends)

Patton

"Smell this, does this smell like Italy?"

*visibly shaken* "Never ever try and kill a spider with a blowtorch"

"Pudding is my favorite character. I am Pudding."

*frustrated* "What the French Vanilla?"

*yelling at Virgil to take care of himself* "IT'S EAT OR BE YEETED"

"Ha! I was married to a cat for two years. Then he cheated on me and we got a divorce."

"I would put Comic Sans in my mouth."

"Nesquick has saved my life once again."

"Now I'm sad and all I have is this fricking corn"

*holding a 'world's best dad' mug* "Yeah, it has tea in it, but I don't think I put enough honey in it, so it just tastes like sadness. It's warm, though"

*Virgil is reading fanfic* *sneaks up behind him* "Faaaaaanfictiooooooon."

Roman

Logan: "So they used to drill holes in people's skulls to let out demons." Roman, saying what he knows from hanging out with Virgil: "Whatever happened to good ol' fashioned exorcism?"

"I'm going to drown my sorrows in Julie Andrews."

*talking to Logan* "Ring ring, you're invalid"

*arguing with Virgil* "You can't be a top in hand-holding, that's not how it works"

"I really wish he was hot. Then he could be British and hot. But he's just British."

*eating chips then coughing* "I just stabbed myself in the throat with a Pringle."

"Can we hold hands?" Virgil: "Alright but we have to say no homo"

*talking about Logan* "He's evil but he's not stupid"

*for no reason as Virgil is taking his shirt off (also for no reason)* "I'm getting hot, I'm gonna take my pants off"

*Virgil is sitting on his lap* "What the hell, I can literally feel your bones"

Logan

*about Thomas, probably* "Keyboard-smash-sexual"

"You're eating suspiciously, what did you do to my soda?"

"Life is a foot race, and I am Usain Bolt."

*shuffling through flash cards* "Y'all is now in my dictionary."

"I think I'm getting the 'disappointment' look down, and it's probably from being around you guys so much."

*talking to Virgil* "Your furry personality is a mole." (Before you come at me like "it's called a fursona a) this is a direct quote from some girl in my science class and b) I'd like to not imagine that Logan knows what a fursona is)

*slowly while struggling to spell 'belief'* "Oh my god, what if I'm having a stroke?"

(I'm sorry for not having more quotes for Logan but we never say anything smart)

Virgil

Logan, teaching a history lesson: "One drink turns into ten, then he goes home drunk, and say his wife gets a little lippy, what happens then?" Virgil: "She takes the kids."

Logan: "They took a survey and of the 2,200 people who answered, 26% of them said that they think the Sun revolves around the earth." Virgil: "It's time for another extinction."

Patton: "Virgil, do you want a friendship bracelet?" Virgil, rolling across the floor: "I NEED CRAAAACCKK"

"What's the point of swearing if you don't get ice cream?"

"My shit is calm."

"I don't finish sentences, this is 20gayteen."

"I didn't find out what happened, but somebody died." Roman: "I've come to expect nothing less."

*swallows paper* "Tastes like graphite."

"I think Jesus hates me."

*talking to Patton* "What kind of childhood did you have?" Patton: "Not as privileged as yours." Virgil: "Well at least you had dinosaurs."

"All Christmas characters are fictional, like the Grinch, Santa, Jesus,"

"If you think anyone in Steven Universe is straight never look me in the eyes again."

"You better watch your damn mouth you asshat."

Thomas

"I say y'all because I'm gay."

"I'm only here to make bad decisions."

"I subconsciously tried to Tokyo drift into the bathroom to hide." (the only context I'm giving you for that is that it's a quote from yours truly and that my friend was chasing me with a trumpet case.)

"Someone just said my friend is gay and I don't know which one they're talking about."

"How do I look?" All the Sides in unison: "You look gay."

"You just try to absorb the apple through osmosis"

"Virgil is projecting his insecurities onto my chicken nugget. My fresh, crispy chicken nugget."

*in high school* "Only -2 days until finals and I finally started studying!"

"Do I ever look like a white boy?" Virgil: "You look like an egg."

"Never have I ever been a ginger"

"Virgil, please stop referring to the area we live in as the boondocks."

"Logan watches the weather channel religiously."

Deceit

"I'm 90% sure I'm satan."

*out of nowhere* "I killed three people yesterday."

"They're 99.9% gonna die."

"My attractiveness is like my heart, it doesn't exist"

"I'm too straight to do crack." Everyone else: *laughs hysterically*

"Satan has had my soul since the fifth grade."

"The only thing I hate more than you rotten kids... is trees"

Bonus!

Remy (Sleep)

"I got up this morning and immediately wanted to die."

"Everyone knows it's better to smoke and then drink, duh"

"Are you calling me a basic white bitch?"

"I just wanted to eat my guacamole in peace."

Everyone, all at once:

"This is a safe space. EXCEPT FOR HETEROS!"

I'm so sorry