Prinxiety One Shots

Lifeguard AU

Here it is y'all, the 4th shittiest thing I've ever written. Done solely to make @Presidentcoconut mad (she said "okay so the only redeeming quality was Logan) and along the way I also pissed off@kelseymuick so hooray I've made two people mad about this, not including myself and everyone about to read this.

I've run the numbers and this is about 76% crack

Virgil's POV

The local community pool. A festering cesspool filled with sunburn, overcrowding, and loud, annoying eight-year-olds lining up at the snack stand by the dozen. Yes, the local pool is irredeemable in every way. Every way except one lifeguard. Roman Prince.

I walked into the pool through the pavilion, already upset by how bright the sun has to be. I found a spot on the grass that was sufficiently far away from everyone else and laid out my towel. As I put on sunscreen (which I need tons of), I vaguely recall the scene from The Sandlot where the kid nearly drowns himself just to get mouth to mouth from the cute lifeguard. At this point, I might try it. I'm getting a bit desperate. I've been coming here at least weekly since he became a lifeguard and he hasn't said a single word to me.

I walked over to the pool, taking extra caution to not be trampled by the six-year-olds blatantly breaking the "no running" rule. I made my way to the diving board. I would never dare try to get his attention by waving or something stupid like that, but I still glance over to see if Roman is looking. I can't tell. He's wearing sunglasses, but he seems to be looking in my general direction. I decide it's good enough and dive.

I'm not on like the swim team or anything, but I try to be elegant as possible when diving. I never know which ones he'll see, so I have to make all of my dives perfect. But for this dive? I was distracted. Right as I started to jump, Patton screamed at me from across the pool. He meant well, I'm sure, and probably just wanted to say hi. But I fell and ended up doing basically a belly flop and getting a nose full of water. Dammit, Patton.

I climbed out of the pool, coughing a bit, and went to greet Patton. And also Logan, who I hadn't seen before hitting the water.

"That looked like it hurt," Patton said.

"Yeah, it kind of did. I would have been very elegant had I not been caught off guard by someone loudly yelling my name."

"Sorry V," Patton said sadly.

"No, no, it's fine," I rushed, realizing how harsh I had sounded. "Just next time maybe don't yell as I'm about to dive?" He nodded.

"If it's any consolation," Logan piped up, "Roman definitely noticed." I panicked.

"Christ, he saw that? Is he looking at me now?"

"Hard to say with those sunglasses," he said, not being very discreet about looking at Roman for me.

"Ooh, ooh, he's getting off the stand! He's coming towards us!" Patton said, jumping around excitedly. I felt anything but excited. Yeah, I've been trying to get him to notice me for months, but I'm not ready for this!

"Maybe he's changing shifts," Logan suggested. Before I could even consider that, Patton pushed me. Into the pool. As I fell in slow motion, I heard Patton hiss "Sandlot." Well, I guess this is the plan we're going through with.

I hit the water with a splash and watched the world turn blue... What do I do now?

Do you even know how hard it is to just sort of drown yourself? Jesus! Do I inhale? Do I not inhale? Do I take in a mouthful of water to dramatically spit out when he starts doing chest compressions? What am I supposed to do?!

I saw a splash above me, then there he was, pulling me to the surface. I did my best to stay limp like I was unconscious. It probably didn't work. I'm not a good actor. He pulled me onto the sidewalk next to the pool and started doing chest compressions.