Prinxiety One Shots

Sanders Sides as Stupid Quotes Pt. 4

It's back everyone! Unfortunately, we've had a shortage of dumb things, so it's a short chapter. Hope y'all still enjoy! (Also I give up on explaining situations for every quote so sometimes they're in high school and sometimes Logan's a teacher. It's fine we're fine everything's fine)

Roman

*to Patton* "I would marry you platonically for tax benefits."

"My only two character traits are rude and gay."

"I understand nothing. I want to be a professional high school dropout when I grow up." *three minutes later* "I,,,,,, am a genius"

"Don't bully me. I'm not Logan."

"Mammals are not animals."

"Stupid school didn't approve Arsenic and Old Lace for the fall play, so I guess I'll have to be a real murderer"

Patton: "They had 11 homos on staff?" Roman: "No, they had 11 raging homos on staff."

Virgil, trying to annoy him: "I'll make you listen to show tunes you'll definitely hate." Roman, unfazed: "I wanna listen to Kesha."

*walking past some guy* "He's gay. He's got the haircut, and that's all you need to be gay."

"Like, sure, these jeans cut off circulation to my legs, but I look fantastic in them."

"I was just so emotionally drained from dying on Friday."

Logan

Roman, talking about Little Shop of Horrors: "I didn't kill him! It was the giant talking space plant!" Logan: "That is the dog ate my homework of murder."

*to Roman* "Yes, I hate you, but this isn't about that."

"I stayed up all night talking to my Google assistant."

*drops a textbook on the desk of a sleeping student*

*Thomas is talking about Hamilton* "Did- Did you just say 'in canon' referring to American history?"

*saying "my sweet" while patting Patton (haha) on the head*

*plays Never Gonna Give You Up while everyone is taking a test*

*to Virgil* "You've always looked like a dying rat." Virgil: "Thanks."

Patton: "There's like 165 countries." Logan: "Actually there's 195." Virgil: "Those other 30 countries are unimportant." Logan: "Spoken like a true American."

"Africa by Toto for 10 hours... Sounds like something Thomas would listen to."

Patton

*chucks phone across the room to give it to Logan*

"Yeah! Let's put some gasoline on this grease fire and see what happens!"

*about to dump a bag of cookie crumbs in his mouth and everyone is staring* "I feel scrutinized."

Logan: "Who took Franklin Pierce's chin?" Patton: "The Russians"

"Do you think China ever caught up to the whole fidget spinner thing?"

*screaming* "MY EYE ITCHES"

*'blesses' water to make holy water* *throws some at Roman* Roman: "I feel blessed." Virgil: "Don't get that near me. It'll burn." Patton: *aggressively shoves it at Virgil*

Everyone: *yelling* Patton: "Language!" Virgil: "Maybe we should reinstate the swear jar." Patton: "Oh yeah, we have a car payment to make!"

"I'd rather be a dinosaur than a chicken."

*crying* "I want sooooouuuuup"

Virgil

*signing a card* "I gave up. I'm tired. -homo"

*perfecting his makeup* "I look like a hot mess, but a refined hot mess."

"Wattpad is the only enjoyable part of my life."

"I need a nap." Logan: "Naps are overrated." Virgil: "yOU'RE OVERRATED"

*tearing up for no reason* "Why am I crying? I got enough sleep last night?!?!?"

*talking about hypothetically punting Deceit's head into the sun* "You think you'll still be alive after I decapitate you?"

"I found my name in a book about suicide and I was fricking thrilled."

"I have the self-confidence of a drowned rat."

*talking about Zodiac signs* *is a Pisces* "Dude, I'm a fish."

Deceit

*yelling dissent as everyone stands around him in a circle, screaming Bohemian Rhapsody*

"I don't get up in the morning and think about how to insult kids."

*walking around eating raw pasta*

*walks up to hand Logan a paper with a snake around his neck, acting like there isn't a snake around his neck*

"I don't like to be the center of attention-" Everyone: *hysterical laughter*

*making fun of Virgil* "You're too pasty to be that gay."

"Roman, stop listening to the haters." *turns to Logan, the hater* "Keep being a hater."

Remy

"Booooo, straight people suck"

"I'm gonna be like a communist expert."

Virgil: "Normal people are on crack." Remy, by no means normal: "I'm not on crack, I just read crack fic."

Patton: "I feel like Remy's always like 'I'm here physically, but I'm not here mentally.'" Remy: "I've never said that, but I've definitely felt it, y'know?"

Virgil: "Can we make fun of Remy today?" Remy: "I like that idea. This Remy kid sounds like an idiot."

*at 4:24 AM in the group chat* "blaze it its ur destiny"

"You know, communism doesn't seem so bad here."

*entirely unprompted in the group chat* "Is Chewbacca a furry? Let's discuss." (Bonus- Everyone: "yes")

*triumphantly holding up Roman's sword* "I'm gonna kill myself!"

Thomas

"I haven't had a mental breakdown in four days, let's keep this streak going!"

*talking about Princey and Virgil* "They are dating, I've written enough gay fanfiction to know that"

"But I'm not a physicist! I'm a disappointment!"

"Who am I to determine Pikachu's gender?"

*talking about all the sides being dumb* "I'm not saying this in a 'gays are useless' kind of way, but I'm saying it in a 'gays are useless' kind of way."

"I go to church, I'm pro Jesus"

*listening to Beastie Boys and eating fistfuls of tortellini while doing laundry*

"We should go on a cruise!" Virgil: "You could sink, drown, die..." Thomas: "... yeah, but all you can eat food."

Logan: "Use exponentially in a sentence." Thomas: "Life is getting exponentially harder."

"Raise your hand if being gay is your only redeeming character trait." Everyone: *raises hand*

Can't believe we actually got enough quotes for a chapter by the end of the month. It was a little touch and go there for a little while. And hopefully I'll have something out soon, chapterwise, but I've just not been in the mood to write like at all (but also I've been super stressed about school and stuff like I almost failed math class for a bit but it's cool B) yeah thats it)

Anyways, cheers, queers! 💖💜💙 and remember to hydrate, don't die-drate!