Prinxiety One Shots

Stupid Quotes: Summer Edition!

Some of y'all may have seen my update: two days and then I can write relatively guilt-free! Hooray! Until then, I wasted my Flex period compiling our summer quotes. It isn't a ton, but it's a good enough chunk for a chapter. I forgot most of these quotes existed and when I read through them, I thought they were funny, so hopefully, you will too.

Roman

*handing in an essay* "No editing. We die like men."

*power goes out for the second time that day; it's not storming* *gesturing at the lack of power* "What this latest installment of bullshit is, I don't know"

Virgil: "I am eating a fruit and it's terrible. I regret." Roman: "Okay, but consider the following: a mango"

"Did Thomas ask to have to protect all queers? No, but sometimes you have to answer to a higher calling."

*in the middle of playing a beautiful song on the piano* *probably heavily intoxicated* "Come on, fucksticks!"

"Soon you know who Brendon Urie is and you're gay. That's what happens when you go on tumblr."

Virgil

*done with Roman's shit* "Yes, I'm aware, you're dumb"

"I need a nap or some Adderall." Logan: "Those are two completely different things." Virgil: "That's why I said or."

"Bold of you to assume Mothman doesn't have hobbies."

Roman, wearing a purple cosplay wig as a beard: "Do I look like a sexy man?" Virgil: "You look like anime Santa Claus."

"Something smells like it's burning, so either the house is on fire or Roman is cooking. Either way, I'm staying in my room."

"Having more than one friend is great! There's the smart one (Logan), the smart one who'll help me cheat (Deceit), the crackhead gryffindor (Roman), Patton, and the one who never talks to me (Thomas after DWIT) :)" Roman: "Are you okay?" Virgil: "Nah."

Logan

*helping Thomas learn to drive when Virgil shows up* "Keep focused. Don't get distracted by his punk rocker lifestyle."

Roman, yelling at the cat: "Nasty worm!" Logan, in agreement: "Arrogant worm!"

*talking to Roman* "You were a thot before thottery even existed." (bonus: Roman: *nods in agreement*)

*Concerned Mom Voice™* "That's not gay culture! That's psychopath culture!"

"Obviously 7/11 can only exist in one universe, and it's not ours." Virgil: "Are you saying 7/11 is a cryptid?" Logan: "Perhaps."

Logan, a Fucking Nerd™: "Do I have to bullshit? I'll roll the die. I got a nat 20."

Patton

"Because some people are meanies about that kind of thing. Not to name any names, but... *coughs* DECEIT"

"I love my controversial feminist cat." (Virgil, question mark?)

*hands on his hips* "I have a total of nine cats on my socks and you will treat me with respect."

"I feel it in my bones. Like arthritis."

"I have a frog stuffed animal named Isis."

Deceit

*as an insult to Remus* "Your mom straight*

*yelling at someone, idk who* "You deserve to have your computer taken away by a short Japanese man for two months."

"Remus is the Hoarders of friends, he's here to make us feel better about ourselves."

"Do you think I'm a nice person? Cause I'm not."

Remus, trying to take a selfie: "What's my best angle?" Deceit, totally not lying: "You don't own one of those." (did i just sneak receipt into a quote? maybe)

"My favorite part about fireworks is the inevitable sound of screaming children that follows."

*kicking Virgil out of the dark sides* "No son of mine will be a goddamn bottom."

Remy

"People keep making fun of me because I'm poor."

"I am always the yeeter, not the yeetee"

Virgil: "Coward." Remy: "I'm just gay."

"Oh yeah, that's an inside joke, you wouldn't get it unless you were me"

"I only have one hand, I'm holding a bottle of whatever the fuck!"

"My Magic 8 Ball said I should call you a whore."

Remus

"I'm not above breaking the law, but I think things through." Roman: "Hmm, that doesn't sound right."

Thomas: *singing about jesus* Remus: "What if I kill you?"

"Excuse me, I have pieces of my broken phone case in my mouth."

"No, no, you should definitely be racist against white people."

"This is Alexander Hamilton's legacy: furries"

Logan, on a rant: "Turn down the sluttiness! This isn't a whore house!" Remus: "You're absolutely right." *pauses* "It's a whore home."

*holding a pepperoni stick* "I wanna hit people with my meat stick."

Thomas

"Waddup, I'm Jared, I'm 19, and I never fuckin learned how to make serotonin."

*looking at the mess of change in his car* "I really have to corral up all those free-range nickels."

"So yesterday I forgot to take my antidepress..." *eyes go wide* *runs out of room to take antidepressants*

Logan: *indecipherable muttering* Roman: "Is he even speaking English?" Thomas, dumb and tired: "I think he's speaking British."

"How do I get money?" Logan: "Get a job." Virgil: "You don't." Remus: "Steal from the government."

*in tears* "I don't want brain cell, I want boy"

notes while writing this:

1) roman is a slut and it's stupid of me to deny it

2) thomas needs sleep jesus christ

3) i need to do my english project and kelsey is a bad influence on me

please help me

fuck it, in (dis)honor of the new school year (and also because im too lazy to find emojis anymore) im changing my outro officially

be gay, do crime, 420/69

also hydrate dont diedrate