Poems Pt. 1 (On Going)

It's Like I lost My visibility

It's like I lost my visibility,
The existence and ability.
You can't have what you lost,
I can't have who I loved the most.

Now I'm too scared,
These feelings is what I beared.
I wish I could love them,
Treat you like a gem.

Oh I have to runaway,
It's gonna swallow me whole if I stay.
The winter never did end,
It's not my friend.

Do you know how it's like to be tongue tied?
When you know that they lied?
But baby I can't say it out loud,
I know and I'm not proud.

In the middle of the night,
When I'm not a good sight.
Ghost of someone,
Yet belonging to no one.

That's when I die,
Because I don't know how or why.
It's beautiful when I cry,
They see my tears and start to pry.

But they don't notice when I shake,
When just being there is all I can take.
When I'm at my weakest,
Hoping you'll remember me when I'm at my strongest.

You love playing your games,
But I've learned and I know you forget their names.
Those pretty helpless dames,
Burning up in your hungry flames.

And I respect you enough to leave you alone,
So don't come here like a dog wanting a bone.
Guys like you touch and kiss until you freeze,
Passing you like the most chilling breeze.

And I hate to tell you,
But I don't know anymore if anyone's words are true.
I don't know should I just go,
Altough I've always tried to say no.

'Cause these nights no one can protect me,
I'm hurting where even I can't see.
So don't ask why I'm a mess,
You don't need to guess.

And this fighter is going to fight,
Through the day and night.
Tell them that I bite,
If they claim I'm something, know that I'm not quite.

And altough now I don't know what or who it'll be,
But instead of them I'll choose me.
The girl who left the town,
Just to let everyone down.

That's what I'm really afraid of,
So go somewhere else with your love.
It's the crack in my brain,
That brings the pain.

It's the shattered heart,
That's keeping us apart.
I'm just losing faith,
He's my wraith.

I'm trying to stay as patient as a saint,
When they use my blood to paint.
For we all have to endure,
Until we find the cure.

Draw a tattoo on my neck,
Place a peck.
Mark me as yours,
Make me scream until my voice is hoarse.

For I need someone to help me forget,
The horror of the days when the sun won't set.
Pale as a ghost,
From every love that ended with almost.

You know I always say I love you darling,
Or do I just love the way his name ring?
His heavenly voice makes me feel like dancing,
But he's never here when I sing.

Like a canary bird,
Trying to make a word.
Of warning,
Keeping all of them waiting.

Can't really trust him lately,
I'm just clinging onto myself helplessly.
I don't feel his body next to mine,
This is where I draw the line.

I only want his attention so I can feel again,
Anything but numbness even his kind of pain.
Or wouldn't it be the perfect thriller,
For me to kill the killer?

The worst of me keeps coming out,
Saying this is what I am about.
If I commit a sin,
Tell it's because I wasn't let in.

The rebellious one,
Will never be gone.
The childish one,
Comes out when I'm done.

No one's to blame,
Except me if I set this to flame.
It would be a shame,
'Cause I like it when you're not tame.

I'm aching to destroy,
Secretive like Troy.
Your heart is my new toy,
So don't forget it boy.

Don't make me mad,
Things might end up real bad.
I can be your daydream,
When you smile I'll do the perfect beam.

But I'm also you're worst nightmare,
Too bad I don't share.
Could toy you on forever,
Even if you keep saying never.

You still keep come back,
Just to feel my lip's smack.
Baby I make love and war,
And you'll be the newest star.

Don't worry we're all insane,
What's love without a little rain?
In the end you will be screaming my name,
You love and hate the game.

But don't hate me,
For I'm just a girl who doesn't want to be.
Someone she's not,
I know you're lying when you say I'm hot.

Could argue with you through hell,
And even then you won't notice I was just an empty shell.
So keep on making me cry,
For if you don't I might try.

Give me the worst pain,
Don't let me die in vain.
Manipulation is my middle name,
And I do it without no shame.

I learned from the best,
And I won't let you rest.
Damn it's nice being mad at you,
If only you knew.

This isn't the first time you fool,
So don't try to look cool.
I'll destroy and heal you,
Until all of you is brand new.

Baby tell me I'm twisted,
I can see how your eyes shifted.
From ego to fear,
You know now you'll be getting near.

For these are just cycles,
And they all just tend to recycle.
My gift is to find beauty in war,
So don't worry when you find me drinking at the bar.