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December 20, 2016. ; 5:14am
It's been nine days since the arrest, yes I counted them. I haven't gone to school because my mom was afraid of what could happen. Not that I wanted to either way.
Guess who shut everyone out again? Yeah me. I didn't really talk to Rachel so much and I felt bad but I just felt like I didn't have the strength to. We were barely becoming close too.
Fenix and Rachel sent me messages once in a while but I would just give short responses or none at all.
My mom would constantly yell and get mad that I didn't talk to her like I didn't before. I would talk though but not so much like from when I opened up. Mitchy was really the only person I tried talking to. She's the only person I've spent so much time with recently.
I tried to visit Alejandro but they all said it was best I didn't. Even he agreed so.
So Ryan constantly tells my mom I should be taken to church. I probably did need the prayers not gonna lie. But my mom argued I shouldn't be out for so long, I heard her say that I would just put his church in danger. Honestly being around my mom at this time wasn't doing me any good. She really brought me down these past few days.
This morning I woke up very early not being able to sleep. I then saw everyone was still asleep so I decide to go for a walk. I needed out! Like I felt so trapped.
I was now in my hoodie as it poured crazily and I walked looking down not wanting to catch anyone's attention.
I soon felt a tap on my shoulder at the curb as I waited for a green light. My breath hitches but when I turn I see Fenix and I sigh.
"Dani fuck you doing" he yelled
"Shhh" I laugh lightly and he then grabs me by the arm taking me into his car.
He seemed slightly pissed off.
"Fenix I-"
"Jesus do you not think" he shakes his head.
"Fenix I'm just tired of being locked in" I then wipe my watery eyes.
"Look you the home boy home girl but like ima tell you how it is you being mad selfish yo" he says
"I'm sorry really" I sigh and he then parks outside a Burger King.
"How you been it's like you don't talk anymore" he says laying back in his chair.
"Sorry and I been sad obviously" I sigh pushing the chair back to lay down too.
"Yeah me too" he admits and I smile soft.
Honestly I feel like I needed to hear that because everyone seemed to be living like nothing happened. Literally everyone seemed fine.
"How is he" I ask
"He's the same just seems like he's having fun which I don't understand" Fenix looks at me for my reaction.
"He's probably being bad, doesn't he want to be out" I frown
"That's what I'm saying" he laughs lightly.
"So is it just me or is it weird not having Alejandro interruptions when we talk" I laugh softly missing his presence.
"To be honest" he smiles small
"Do me a favor" I ask and he nods
"Take me to Alejandro" I ask
"You know I Can-"
"Pleaseee" I whine and he looks away and I sigh curling into a ball.
"Take me home" I say and I hear the ignition start.
I just stayed quite and would glance at Fenix each second. He seemed like he felt bad but he still took me home.
"Bye" I whisper opening the door to his car.
"Fine FINE UGH" he yells causing me to giggle and hop in happily.
10:56am
We were finally in the elevator and I felt my nerves kick in. I haven't seen him in NINE fucking days I didn't know what to tell him when I saw him.
The elevator door then opened and we were walked to the visiting room. Once they opened the door Lily face appears.
"ITS YOUR FAULT" she yelled grabbing on my hair the cops were now trying to separate us.
I didn't even get to walk in the visiting room, we were all kicked out. Gosh I was so close!!
Fenix didn't say anything. It made me feel like he kind of blamed me too at the moment.
I was back home and Fenix just left after saying maybe next time.
"WHY WOULD YOU GO OUT DO YOU WANT TO DIE" my mom yelled smacking my arm.
"HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT I WISH I WAS GOSH! I WISH DAD WAS HERE, NOW I WISH THE ONLY OTHER PERSON WHO UNDERSTOOD ME BE HERE." I cry slamming my door.
I felt myself break down each day, I just wanted to be next to him. I felt so overwhelmed, they wouldn't even let me out really.
I haven't heard anything of Carlos since. I would try to talk to Alejandro but they never seemed to pass the phone. It was crazy because they would answer the phone all excited but never seemed to worry after.
