I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him. I wanted to know more than his pretty face and fantastic vocals. But he never stared at me once, not through the confessionals or when he introduced himself to everyone. That made my heart ache and I hadn't even known this person for a whole day yet. All I knew was his name and the class/grade the younger was in. It confused me, I had never felt this way towards another female let alone a male. For a whole while I believed I was asexual because who could blame me. All through high school where relationships seem to blossom and couples flocked around my school holding hands and kissing, I just stuck to my small group of weirdos.
And when I moved away from the place that I had knew the most and entered a new country it became another world for me. Yes, I had known the language since young and had visited a couple of times but packing up and leaving everything for my own dream registered a new idea for myself. Nothing lasts forever whether that be a relationship or the place you've grown up all your life, it always changes for the better. But since I never had a relationship it couldn't change for me. The way I felt for another; I mean. So now that I feel this way towards a complete stranger at that I don't want it to change. I want to be able to experience this feeling for as long as I can, I don't want to lose this feeling since I don't know when the next time I will be able to feel it.
"Alright everyone we are going to take a break. All students head back to class for the next activity" A faint voice ringed in my ear breaking my way out of my endless thoughts. One by one Students got up and exited the annex, I looked over towards the person who I was kind of stalking all day to see him stand up a beautiful smile on his face as he walked out with his friends. I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked behind me to see Taeyong with that worried leader look on his face. I smiled at him faintly and we exited off the main stage together into the back room where we were earlier.
"You all take five also" The camera director said before leaving out the room. I chewed on the inside of my gums as I walked towards the changing room. Yes, he said take five but the stylists and mangers were already rushing us off towards the changing rooms.
"You okay, hyung? You seem a little off" Taeyong said pulling his shirt off over his head. I tried ignoring what he said playing it off as not hearing him because I was to occupied with my clothing. Taeyong sighed deeply throwing on his new navy blue shirt and leather jacket, I following suit but with a white tight fitting t-shirt. "You can tell me, hyung" His stern voice was out now. The voice that had everyone telling him their sins, lies, and everything in between. Except for me at this moment, I couldn't just tell him that I had a crush? I didn't even know myself. All I knew was I felt some sort of connection with that student.
"Just feeling homesick I guess" I sighed looking away from his piercing worried eyes. "Brings back memories doesn't it?" He asked putting on a new pair of shoes that the stylist just gave him. I nodded my head but I knew he could tell I was lying out of my teeth. He knew I probably needed time with what ever I was dealing with at the moment and decided to give me time for it. That's what I appreciated about Taeyong, he cared about everyone of us. When there was something happening to us he would ask us like a worried mother to her child. And if we didn't want to say anything about it he would give us time. Not teasing us when we do eventually tell him like some of the other members probably would.
"Break over everyone, let's head out and start the new section in the media room." The producers said while our managers and Taeyong started rushing around ushering the younger boys out of the room. I slugged behind the group, admiring every bit and piece of this boringly peaceful hallway. Maybe I was a little homesick though, I couldn't remember a time back in America that it was quiet like this. It was always busy in Chicago and I somewhat missed the busyness of it all. Being an idol was already busy work but I missed the honks and shouts off it all, if there was traffic on the road or highway in Korea, there were never any shouts and when you did here someone shout it was never at the traffic but whatever was happening inside their car.
When we arrived in the media room I moved off to the side of the camera so I wouldn't be in much of the shot. Yuta sitting next to me also with that worried look on his face. He put the palm of his hand onto my thigh and squeezed it lightly. I smiled at him and put my hand on top of his. I may be the oldest member but all the younger members took care of me like I was a baby.
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After the show was over and all of us were changed back into 'normal' clothing we all piled into two vans: Me, Taeyong (he had an argument with one of our managers about being with me for 8 minutes), Jungwoo, and Jaehyun while everyone else got into another van.
I sat in the back of the van with my air pods plunged into my ears. They didn't have any music playing though as I tried to think to myself about the feeling I was going through and how I knew it was wrong so I should just get over it already. No one tried to talk to me throughout the ride. Not even Jaehyun, my best friend who always slurs out somethings that we are supposed to do for nct nightnight. I appreciated it though. The mood in the car was low since no one was talking and no music was playing. I wondered why they weren't playing any music until I realized that it's mostly me or Haechan that controls the music. I shrugged it off going back to my depressing arguments I was having with myself at that moment.
"Don't forget that you all have a vlive scheduled for tonight and Ravi and Chungha is supposed to be on the nct night night toady" my ears perked up at the mention of the show. "Can I be excused from the live? I'm a little tired and I don't think I can make it to twelve if I don't take a nap." The two managers mumbled to each other one of them throwing a quick glare towards me. I tried not rolling my eyes at there disrespectful attitude and waited patiently for a answer. "Yeah, Johnny-hyung doesn't look to good today I think it's from the break food." Jaehyun interrupted their discussion. "Yeah fine you can have the rest of the day off Johnny and for you Jaehyun I'll have to reschedule the radio today since your fans will question why and I don't feel like telling them that you are being a baby and have a tummy ache" The oldest manager said before leaving our apartment.
Jaehyun looked at me and smiled "I hope you feel better, hyung" He squeezed my shoulder and left the living area leaving me all alone while him and the others got ready for the live. I felt depressed that I couldn't join them since I didn't want to bring the mood down. But that student, that student Moon Taeil kept popping into my head every time I blinked and I wanted to cry because with one action towards him he made my life change without even knowing it.
His shy side eye towards me are the surprised look he had after we preformed Regular, It all flashed into my mind making me blush and groan at the same time.
What was I going to do? How was I going to deal with this new feeling?
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Sorry for not updating this and my other stories. My internet has been wacky lately and I don't want to end up writing a whole chapter then my internet stopping and losing all my progress.
For my other stories I'm sorry for the lack of updates on them also. It's just since I've had this idea for this story in my head for a long time I want to accompish as much as I can before it disapeers. I will be updating Fanboy and maybe smile throughout this week hopefully if I don';t get swamped with assignments.
and shoutout to my love winwinscuteears she's the real og mate
freaking love her.
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