requested
a/n: hope you like it :)
warnings: angst
summary: reader keeps pretending she's okay after her father's death, but antonio knows better
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"babe, why are you still awake?" antonio asks groggily as he feels you moving around
"sorry, trying to get comfortable" you smile sheepishly
he hums in acknowledgment and gathers you in his arms and goes back to sleep.
you stay awake; you close your eyes hoping to sleep but with no prevail. you've been having problems going to sleep for a while. you had just lost your dad and it was a taking a toll on you, both physically and mentally.
you spent most nights either staring at the ceiling or listening to Antonio's heartbeat while your head is on his chest. he knows it hasn't been easy for you, how could it be. he asked you once "what can i do to help you?" and all you said was "just be here with me".
he does more for you than he thinks he does. but sometimes it isn't enough. but you don't let him know that, you keep it all to yourself; you don't know how to talk about it.
when Antonio's alarm goes off, you pretend to wake up and you go start making breakfast while antonio gets ready. you were finishing up the eggs when arms wrap around your waist and his head goes to your neck, leaving kisses in his wake.
"smells delicious, mi amor" he says as takes the bacon that was on the plate. "were you able to sleep last night?" he asks as he takes his food and sits down at the counter.
"yeah, slept like a baby" you lie as you start cleaning up the ingredients and pans you used
"you're not gonna eat?" he asks after swallowing a piece of bacon
"i'm not really hungry" you shrug
"you haven't been eating the last few day, i'm worried about you" he hesitates, he didn't wanna make you upset
"i'm fine, really" you insist
antonio checks his watch, "we're gonna talk about this later today, okay?" he says as he kisses you on the lips and heads out the door to work.
you weren't looking forward to the conversation, but you knew you needed to have it.
~later that day~
antonio called to tell you he was on his way home and you were dreading what was about to come.
"hey babe, i'm home" antonio says, walking into the apartment and straight to the couch where you were
he takes you in his arms and hold you to his chest, "are you okay? i mean really okay?" great, he's getting right to the point
you nod, "yeah, why wouldn't i be" you whisper
he pulls back to look at you, "you haven't been eating recently and you don't look like yourself. you have deep bags under your eyes, you've lost a lot of weight- too much for it to be healthy- and you just don't look happy anymore. you say you're fine but i can see you're not. I know your dad passing hasn't been easy for you, but i want you to be able to talk to me about it." he says as he tucks a piece of your hair behind your ear
maybe it was the way he was looking at you, sad and worried, or the fact that you couldn't hold it in anymore, but the dam broke.
antonio sees the tears gather in your eyes first, and then comes the waterfall. you're sobbing so much it feels like you can't breathe. you latch onto antonio and you cry into his shirt. antonio is shocked but he wraps his arms around you and holds you tight.
"it's been horrible" you cry, "i haven't been able to eat, hell i haven't been able to sleep in weeks, and it feels like this pain in my chest is never gonna go away. i can't believe he's gone" you sob
antonio doesn't say anything, there isn't anything he can say that will make the situation better. he just lets you cry it out while his hands rub your back.
antonio doesn't know how much time passed before he heard your breath even out and he noticed your eyes were closed. you cried herself to sleep. he carefully picks you up and takes you to the bedroom.
he lays down with you next to him, and you immediately curl into his side. after weeks of not getting sleep, you finally felt you could rest because you let it go. you let go of the pain you were internalizing, and you knew you would have Antonio by your side.
