Mateless Wolf ( Lone Star Pack)

Looking back .

Houston POV

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Today is my wife's funeral. We had been together since our teenage years. Although she was human, I wanted her to be my mate.

But after I shifted for the first time into my wolf form on my 18th birthday, I felt nothing for her.

No sparks. No tingles. Nothing.

Our relationship became pointless. I was a spineless coward, so I asked my brother to break up with her for me. I couldn't do it; I couldn't look her in the eyes as I broke that bond that we had created and nurtured over the years. I couldn't.

In the years that followed, I looked for the person that would make me hold. how high or low I looked, I couldn't find my mate.

I completed my military service and rejoined the pack afterward.

I had no mate, no one to love me, my brother tried to comfort me as much as he could but it had no weight coming from him. He was happy with a pup and a mate as his family. How could he know and understand what I was going through?

So the years piled up and I turned to alcohol for comfort. And one night while I was drinking at the bar in town I saw Sidney.

Our eyes met and we stared at each other for a bit before I looked away. Because although we weren't mates I couldn't look at her because I could see the pain that I had caused.

But Sidney still came over and asked how I had been. Sidney was kind, she was sweet, and never held grudges. It was these qualities, that had made me fall for her and pray that she would be my mate.

But she wasn't.

I told her the truth, I felt like crap. I couldn't live with the guilt of what I'd done to her. So, I apologized for running from her like a coward.

For not being man enough to face her or break in person.

And she forgave me, with the air cleared between us everything fell into place. We talked and laughed through the night, it felt good. It felt like old times.

Later that night, I drove her home on my bike. At her door, she kissed me. That kiss reignited the flame we had as teenagers. Next thing I knew, we were having mind-blowing sex.

The next morning I got up and realized what I had done. I felt horrible for cheating on my mate. I hated myself for sleeping with Sidney. The wolf inside me was boiling with anger.

So I got up and left the room with my stuff and headed home.

One September morning, early autumn, when the leaves were changing colors I heard a knock on my door.

When I opened the door, it was Sidney; she was standing there with red puffy eyes. She had been crying.

"What's wrong?"

In a cracked voice, she told me she was pregnant. My wolf went into a frenzy. I had to close my eyes and count to ten to stop him from shifting and scaring Sidney.

Once he had somewhat calmed down I invited Sidney inside.

"We can co-parent but we can't be anything more", I told her.

I had already betrayed my mate by sleeping with her and creating another life. My first child would not come from my mate. The thought of how angry my mate would be if they found out made me sick.

"Do you hate me that much that you won't consider our child in this matter? I want him or her to have a home. With two parents Houston!"

Sidney shouted at me. Her blond hair fell from her bun, covering parts of her face. She was becoming hysterical. I couldn't take it anymore, so I told her to follow me into the woods.

At a forest clearing, I stripped naked. I saw her confusion and her blush at my nudity.

With no warning, I transformed into my white and black wolf. She was ready to bolt, so I calmed her down by speaking and letting her know that it was still me. Wolf or human I was still the same Houston that she knew.

And once she had calmed down, I told her my secrets. I told her everything about me and my pack.

I told her why I wouldn't want to be with her, I couldn't be with her. I told her about soulmates and that I hadn't found mine and when I did I would have to be with them. I let her know that even though she and I had a child, if I met my mate I would choose them.

Once she knew my reasons for not wanting to be with her, she agreed to co-parent. Eight months later, Dallas was born. We moved in together to give him the best care from both parents.

We talked about my mate and what would happen if I found them. She felt hurt by it, but someone had to say it. There was no point in sugarcoating it.

One night, I came home drunk and in agony. My wolf and I needed our mate. I craved them with every fiber of my being, but they were not there. And that's when I saw Sidney lying down on the couch and in my horny and sorrowful state I jumped her.

The next morning, I regretted using her to get a fix because I shouldn't have used her.

When she got up, I saw the hickeys on her neck. I apologized and promised it wouldn't happen again because I was moving out.

I got up to go and pack and she held my hand and stopped me. That's when she confessed that she liked it and proceeded to ask me if we could try to be in a relationship of some sort.

And I don't know if it was the pain of not having my mate or the desperation in her eyes, that caused me to agree to her request. We laid down some new ground rules and in a few months, we got pregnant again and had another baby boy.

We became a family of four, and I thanked the moon goddess for blessing me with such a wonderful family. I may have been mateless, but I had people who loved me and that was enough.

After years of considering if I should or shouldn't, I decided to ask her to marry me.

We had been going into our fourteenth year of marriage when we got the worst news possible.

She was sick with cancer. We went to the doctor and did all the treatment needed; she took all her pills, but it didn't help. Sidney put up a good fight, but she lost the battle with cancer a week ago, and now I am at her funeral.

I buried my wife and our children's mother in a cemetery. Dallas and Texas were there to support me.

As far as I could remember, a mate was all I had ever dreamed about.

My other half, someone to love, someone who would understand me and accept all me.

But the Moon Goddess did not seem it fit, yet I still found someone to love. And now she had taken her away from me and left me all alone.