Our arguing is constant. And it's starting to be a pain.
Cause fighting with you hurts more than acid rain.
Cause you know something's wrong, and I've got tears in my eyes.
But I look at you with the tears falling down and swear I'm fine.
You told me to snap at you and I did. And what did you do? You got upset and left. So I learned my lesson. I'm not snapping at you anymore. I'll keep my thoughts to myself until I snap again like today, In front of teachers and classmates.
I'm scared now. Everyday. And I cry every night. Because I keep seeing him. But I'll never let you know how much I'm breaking. Because you're breaking too.
You keep telling me to stop caring about you. Then fine. I'll stop. But only for now until I feel like I can look at you without feeling like I'll cry from our fights.
It's hard to tell you things when you have your own problems. Like the fact that my mom might... lets pray that won't happen. Or that my dad could be ... by him. Or my sister has thoughts about ... or I'm silently breaking.
I was shaking in class. Crying. And I put my head down to try to cover my tears. And I was crying because everything just hit me, and I was pissed. And idk why but I was pissed at you too. I glared at you a lot and I know you saw them.
My boyfriend (EDIT: EX-Boyfriend) knows about today and knows how bad I feel. But I make it seem like it's nothing. Cause the only one who will ever truly know or care about me is you.
So idk why I push you away. And tell you to stop caring about me. Because if you do.. I'll be a mess. But I'd understand because I made you do it. Sometimes I just... ugh I don't know what to do anymore.
I'm falling apart.
I'm breaking.
Someone grabbed my unharmed undamaged self and drove a knife where my heart was, and now my heart is bleeding.
I'm terrified but I don't want you to know. Cause if you know, you'll try to help me. And make me feel special. And idk how you can do that when you're just as special, if not more, than me.
But you don't realize it! And im just- ugh.
I yelled at you today. And I cried as I said it. Cause you kept saying something wrong. And I know I snapped because I felt something in me just break. And I just wanted to yell. And keep yelling. And it felt so good to just... scream everything out. But I shut it down. Before it got out of hand.
Ugh idk what to do anymore. I love you but hate you sometimes. That's how it works. U get on my nerves because you don't realize how amazing, important, and special you are, especially to me.
