I broke.
You know how everyone has a bottle they keep everything in? Well mine broke. I broke down crying on the bathroom floor and I couldn't stop.
I begged, and begged, and begged, that I would stop crying. And I still feel like breaking down. Everything I've bottled up, every feeling, every fear, every tear, it just... I feel so broken right now and I don't even know why. Or how.
I collapsed on the floor, and I couldn't breathe. And kept saying I can't. I don't even understand why those were the only words that felt right at the moment.
And seeing you tomorrow scares me. I don't know why but it does.
I'm so confused. And scared. And upset. And all those emotions are blurring together and it's not okay.
Losing people is so freaking frustrating. Because their presence that kept you warm just... disappears. It's like death has touched your life, and the people you love leave and all you can do is stand there and watch.
Like I said... you started crying once. And I realized I shouldn't cry near you anymore. Because if I do, it seems like I want attention.
And you fought me on this but I don't care at the moment, but I'm ugly. And my opinion and feelings are WORTHLESS because I'm not good enough. Go to them, or him, or her. I'm just... I'm not.
And I'm waiting until I know you're asleep so I can post this. Because you'll do things to help and... ugh.
That's it, I'm not writing anymore.
