The worst thing is that I love the feeling.
The feeling of that... thing... against my skin.
The feeling that it's only thing that's real.
That I know will stay with me throughout everything.
I love the pain it gives me.
And how much work it takes to hide it.
I love the misery it causes me.
I love the color that leaves when I do it.
Cause I deserve it.
Everything I do to myself, I deserve it.
And you say I don't... I hear what you say... but I do.
I mean, I did this to myself.
And it's my "addiction."
I'm addicted to the pain.
And I'm afraid of college cause no one will be there to stop me.
So I think I'll do it all the time.
And it scares me because it'll feel great.
Cause I like the feeling of it just... hurting me.
Causing me so much pain, it's ridiculous.
I like it. I love it. And I can't stop.
I'm doing counseling now.
Filled it out when I left during band.
And I took it out on you, so I guess you were right.
And then I stopped speaking.
But getting back to the topic at hand.
If you aren't with me when I'm older... I don't know what'll happen to me.
Or what I'll do to myself.
But I'm 100% sure that I'll break my promise.
And there's nothing either of us can do about it.
EDIT:
I'm editing this cause why not. I'm just adding on to what I said yesterday.
