I look at the medicine cabinet, and all the pills... they taunt me.
I grab one, read it, open it...
And I think.
And I keep thinking.
I thought about what would've happened if I just... took them all, right then and there.
A million things crossed my mind all at once.
But... one thing really stuck with me.
The feeling.
As I stared at those pills... it didn't scare me.
I wasn't afraid.
I guess me not being afraid is what scared me.
So I closed them and put them back.
But that feeling... not being afraid about the fact that I was willing to take them... but being afraid of the fact that I wasn't afraid.
Maybe I want afraid because I knew I wouldn't do that.
But I don't know what's the truth anymore.
I've realized I've gone numb.
Things that used to scare me to do back then... they don't anymore.
Even though the consequences are the same.
The results are the same...
I'm not afraid of doing the action anymore.
Like... confessing something.
Back then it would've scared me but now I'm not scared.
Knowing that when I'm 16, all my "addiction" I did to myself will come back and it'll be 100 times worse.
At some point... something bad is gonna happen.
And when it does, I'm sorry if you're my friend long enough to see it.
I'll go down a very dark and dangerous path.
And I'm ready.
And I may never come back.
And I'm ready for that too.
