Ruled, ᴘᴇᴛᴇʀ ᴋᴀᴠɪɴsᴋʏ

it's not too late

''How did you know?'' My voice is lower than I expected and for that my cheeks flush with self the inflicted anger. Or maybe I'm blushing because Peter's eyes travel trough my body from head to toe, taking my nearly nakedness in and he almost smirks. 

Peter is never an unpleasant sight either, not even right now. His muddy clothes don't take the charm from him and neither do the sweaty curls stuck to his forehead or the dark bags he's gotten under his eyes that are so unlike to his person. They sort of match mine but sure aren't caused for the same reasons. 

''I'd know what your panic attacks sound like, wouldn't I?'' He tilts his head and I shake mine. 

''Well congratulations.'' I sneer.  ''Care to step aside now?'' I say dryly trying to swerve past the boy, that so cleverly stands in my path, but Peter doesn't move, instead he grabs my pulse. ''Peter don't dare touch me.'' I warn yanking my hand from his grip, trying to ignore the static shock that just happened. A shock so massive it sent tingles all the way up along my entire arm. 

''Rita please.'' He pleads, his shaking voice softening my frown. ''Talk to me.'' 

''Peter, when will you stop pretending everything is good between us?'' I ask. ''When will you stop showing up when I'm most fragile and worsen it even more? Just leave me alone, let me heal for god sakes, stop tormenting me!''

''You haven't seen me for weeks, how have I been tormenting you?'' Peter asks with daring offence and the fact he does, makes my blood start fervently running trough my veins. Like he doesn't really know the consequences of his actions. 

''I don't need to see you. You're like a plague inside my head, you don't vanish.'' The boy presses his lips together, nods and steps aside finally freeing the way so I can at last get far and safe from the intensity of his gaze. The bag on his shoulder falls onto the tiled floor underneath my bare feet in a loud bang that echoes trough the entire building, and shakes the floor as I walk. Every sound sounds strident in the early hours of the morning doesn't it. 

 I completely forget about the clothes I'm leaving piled on the floor or the cleansing products I'm abandoning inside the shower. I just want to get out of here. 

''I'm sorry.'' He breaths out behind me. 

''What?'' My dripping curls slap my cheeks as I turn and face him. He's sitting down on the wooden bench and he looks completely defeated, tired and drained of all the brightness he's known for. It's so deeply unsettling It would make me feel guilty for contributing to its worsening if I didn't know how good of an actor he is. ''What are you sorry for?'' I ask stepping closer to him which seems to be enough to brighten up his features slightly. 

''For letting you go.'' He trails off, his fingers playing with each others. ''But just because I did doesn't mean I wanted to.'' My heart echoes loudly inside my skull to the point it's almost deafening, specially when Peter stands up and nearly gets a hold of my pulse before I stretch out my hand to keep him and his act away from me.

I've waited long for an apology that I don't want it anymore, true or fake, because the truth is, If I wasn't back he'd have never even given me a thought.

His conscience must have been really weighting on him this last couple weeks because after all why else would he finally acknowledge his actions other than to relieve himself of the heaviness over his chest? 

Peter loves himself and now that I'm back his confidence is wounded massively, because for the six months I've been gone he didn't have to look at me, he was happy and content because he wasn't reminded of the promise he failed to keep and he wasn't held accountable for his actions. 

For six months he walked around with his head high feeling himself to be the best because I wasn't around to remind him he was nothing but an asshole.

For six months he could sleep at night because the next day he wasn't reminded, upon seeing the dark circles under my eyes, of how much I wasn't sleeping because of him.

Not seeing me meant I didn't exist anymore and meant he didn't do me wrong, so, when he realized I still do exist reality dawned on him and it is far more than he and his ego can handle. 

''Oh shut up.'' I sneer. 

''I know, I know it seems like it but-'' He says lowly stumbling a bit back at my reaction. ''I didn't mean to cause you harm. You don't hate me more than I hate myself.''

''Oh bet.'' I can't help but fully laugh now, a laughter so sarcasm filled it seems to cut trough Peter's ears like sharp knifes for he flinches. ''Come on Kavinsky, you always know what you're doing. You make no move without thinking about it.''

''But, that's exactly it. It's because I think too much that I did what I did.'' He tries again to step closer to me, yet the outcome is the same as before. I step away, making sure my judgement is not going to get cloudy by his addictive touch.

''You're ridiculous.'' I shake my head, my wet curls slapping my cheeks again. ''I hoped maybe there was some other reason but hell.. You really wanted to hurt me.'' The knife he planted in my heart and that I never could remove just got twisted, opening my wound to the world once again. It's excruciatingly painful.

''No, no!'' He raises his voice. ''You don't get it, please let me explain. Let me tell you my side of the story at last.''

''Why would I?'' I ask pressing my lips together. ''After months receiving nothing but silence from your end why wouldn't I pay you with the same coin?'' 

''Because you love me.'' 

''You're wrong.'' I tell him firmly even though I'm lying. ''I don't anymore.'' 

''You're back together with Alec aren't you? Fucking hell, I knew it!'' 

''Why is that your concern Peter?'' I ask with a frown upon my features and Peter shakes his head, stepping closer to me but making sure to keep distant enough not to be rejected again. 

''Rita...'' He breaths out. ''Alec is the main reason behind my actions.'' 

 ''Oh my god.'' My mouth drops and I stumble back in pure shock.  ''You can't really acknowledge your defects can you?'' I say remembering the story Alec told me the night of the frat party. ''You're nineteen years old, fucking own that you messed up and stop blaming other people for your mistakes.  It's insane this victim act you play and it's borderline disgusting. Alec is your friend-''

''Alec is no one's friend Rita.'' Peter snorts ignoring completely the rest of my argument what sends hellish fires trough my nervous system. ''Not even yours. He's the one who's insane.'' 

''Don't you dare talk about him like that. He was there for me when you weren't and  you were my boyfriend Peter. For that only he's worth more than you ever will.'' I say heatedly, finger glued to Peter's chest.

''You have that kid up on a pedestal and you really shouldn't.'' He shakes his head.

''Then tell me why, what did he do that's so wrong? At least that's worse than you arguing against his captain promotion and telling him we were dating. Low.'' I quint my eyes defiantly and Peter laughs.

''That's what he told you happened?'' I nod. ''No. Alec confronted me about it, he knew already plus he was the one who argued against my promotion to team captain Rita and he did so much more you need to know.'' 

''What?'' I stumble back, definitely not expecting such accusation. ''What the hell are you talking about?'' Somehow I know Peter's not faking it. 

''Have breakfast with me today. I'll explain everything.''