Ruled, ᴘᴇᴛᴇʀ ᴋᴀᴠɪɴsᴋʏ

no such thing as perfection

The red to pink gradient liquid swirled unrestrained inside the red solo cup I held with my  trembling hand, product of my nerves. Why was I nervous? Not even I knew the answer.

It could be because Chloe was dancing against my boyfriend's groin just five meters away from me or because Leo was walking towards me with the face of someone wanting to make amends.

''Can we talk?'' He yelled over the strident music, classic of his frat parties. I knew that question was coming and yet it still took me a while to give him an answer which, probably aided by the alcohol streaming trough my bloodstream and clouding my judgement, was a positive one.
''Sure.'' I nodded and Leo pulled me behind him. I had almost forgotten how he could completely wrap all his fingers around my pulse, with no space to spare. Like a perfect fit. I wish I hadn't been reminded of that. It didn't feel good. His skin against mine felt like burning instead of the pleasing electric shocks Peter provoked on me.

I locked eyes with Peter as we climbed up the stairs, presumably on our way to Leo's room. He didn't look like he was enjoying himself way before he noticed who had my hand in possession. My heart did a flip and fell into my stomach when his expression dropped into a deep frown and his head tilted in confusion. I didn't want him to doubt me. I'd never betray his trust. So I sent him a smile, hoping to assure him exactly of that. He simply nodded.

We had been dating in secret for two weeks, and not a day had been easier than the last. Everyday I would, at least once, plea for him to end this torture. That's what it was, torture.

And the worst kind.

I knew Peter was all mine but the fact it was her who was dancing with him downstairs and not me made me want to rip my hair out.

Two weeks of pure happiness as well as pure hatred and revolt. It was a wicked concept sharing him with Chloe even if I wasn't really.

''You look really pretty.'' Leo confessed as soon as he closed the door of his bedroom behind him. The music immediately ceased from our hearing. I wouldn't say it loud but I was glad.

''Well yeah.'' I scoffed sitting on the edge of his bed. I hadn't been there in a while. I didn't miss it.

''Fuck Rita.'' He cursed making me twist my nose. ''Don't you think it's been long enough?''

''I don't know Leonard.'' I said faking a wondering face. ''Don't you think kissing another girl was pretty shitty of you? I mean was that how you wanted to make me feel and fall for you? The only thing you made me feel was disgusted.'' Not until I finished speaking I realised what I was saying didn't make any sense. Not coming out of the mouth of someone who had clearly moved on, of someone who, frankly, didn't even care anymore. ''Shit Leo, I'm sorry.''

''What are you sorry for?'' He furrowed his right brow.

''I don't care you kissed someone else and I don't think I ever did.'' I was an honest person before but the intoxication was raising my levels and I couldn't stop speaking the truth. ''I was mad because it was Gen who you made out with and that's not a valid reason to be mad at you.''

''What you mean is that if I had made out with someone else you would have forgiven me?'' He shook his head like the theory was absurd. It was but it was also partly real.

''Not quiet. I really fucking frown upon cheaters but- We weren't in a relationship, we weren't even exclusive. I mean I assume. We never spoke on it. The point is you were free and whether I liked it or not that meant you could do whatever you wanted. Now, no I don't think I'd be as mad if it was anyone else but you kissed fucking Gen and she-''

''She's Peter's ex. Yeah.'' Leo snorted. ''Alec caught me up with the story.''

''I'm sorry Leo.'' I took a deep breath. ''But you knew from the start I wasn't in it with my heart. I made sure to always be honest with you and I intend on keeping with it.'' Leo didn't look at me. The ring on his index finger seemed more interesting. ''For a while I thought I could erase Peter from my mind and fuck I really tried. Please know that I really wanted us to work. You were so good to me and you're so kind and funny- I'm sorry if I lead you on somehow but I really wanted you to make me forget him. It's just that sometimes things are greater than our wills, and destiny is a fucked up thing, it messes with us and our feelings, you can't trick it or run from it because it finds a way to bring you back to where you're supposed to be. It isn't that you're not enough. It's just that Peter is my destiny and I can't run from it. I love him.''