Ruled, ᴘᴇᴛᴇʀ ᴋᴀᴠɪɴsᴋʏ

abscence

''W-What? No.'' I began stuttering. ''Why would it be Peter? And how the hell to you know about him?'' I asked then, returning him the same angry tone with which he spoke, even though he spoke no lie.

''Everyone warned me about him and I should have listened'' Leo shook his head, stepping as far away from me, as it was possible. 

''Warned you? Who's everyone Leo?'' I sneered incredulously following him attentively with my eyes as he leaned over the parapet of the window. ''What did everyone warn you about?'' 

''It doesn't matter.'' Leo shook his head, his eyes fixated on the lawn of his house. 

''Really? It matters to me so fucking spill it.''  

''You'll truly always belong to him.'' Leo said and he did as if the words were too holy for his corrupted self. It was like a demon trying to speak of god. His words carried envy, bitterness and somehow they carried sadness. ''Come whoever comes, you'll always belong to each other.'' 

''That's not true.'' My voice trembled at my lie. 

Who was I kidding. I knew I would never meet someone that could compare to Peter Kavinsky. 

I could meet all sorts of people, but no matter who they were or what they said, they didn't capture my attention quite the way Peter did. I could speak to all sorts of people, yet I'd always find myself thinking about how they weren't quite as charming as Peter, or how they never made me laugh quite as genuinely. 

I could try, and I did, but I couldn't release the strings he wrapped tightly around my heart and soul, and I knew that, yet, I couldn't afford to have my heart broken again.  

I was scared, of course I was. Heartbreak does that to someone. Heartbreak weakens a person, it brings sadness, it brings depression... I didn't want that back into my life and I had the right to. 

I couldn't do more, than hope someday I'd get over Peter... I'd do it, even if I had to fake it until it became reality.

''Then prove it to me.'' Leo's face brightened up, like he turned into the sun piercing trough dark clouds. ''Go out with me, let me make you feel.'' 

It's not what I don't feel for you. It's what I feel for Peter. 

''Leo...'' I shook my head, my eyes travelling towards the dark wooden floor of his bedroom. ''I really need to be by myself for a while.'' 

What's the part of I want to love myself before I love anyone else, no one understands?

''If you don't want to be with me you don't have to drop all that cliché bulshit. Just be honest.''

Maybe Leo was the key. Maybe he'd help me get over Peter. Maybe he'd be the one to show me there's love beyond the first. I just couldn't give him the change to prove it. 

How could I? I couldn't ignore that whenever he touched me I wanted to pull away because he wasn't Peter. I couldn't lead him on... I couldn't let him fall for me...I couldn't allow him and myself to try...at least not until Peter was completely and utterly out of my system. After all, one learned with their mistakes - I did commit that sin before and it didn't bring neither me neither Alec happiness. 

''I don't want to be with anyone.'' 

''You can lie to me, but it's just sad if you lie to yourself Rita. You don't want to be with anyone but Kavinsky.'' 

''Stop saying that!'' I shouted, my throat burning. ''Me and Kavinsky are old history, it's never going to happen again!'' 

''Then go out with me.'' He pleaded, his body back disturbing the safety of my personal space. ''Just once.''