Without You

chapter two

Eva

I sat in the passenger seat of Jack's jeep.

I've missed this car, Jack insisted that I don't leave his sight so, as for my car, I'll get it later.

I've actually been ready for a change. Partying gets old. I laid my head back, but I remembered that I haven't been on my phone in 3 weeks.

"Jack where is my phone?" I was still high, so everything seemed pretty chill.

He handed it to me, I took it and oh my god. I never thought I could miss something so much.

The first thing I did was go onto Twitter.

I feel pretty bad about dropping off the face of the earth. Hopefully my fans will understand.

Itswhateva: hi guys:/ I'm so sorry for not being active these past few weeks. As some of you may know, my mother passed away. I'll try to be more active for you guys but I just needed a little time, Xoxo Eva.

I pressed tweet.

Jacks phone dinged. He must have my post notifications on.

You see what I'm doing? I try to think of anything else besides her.

Sadly, she always makes her way back into my head. Hence why I keep getting farther and farther away from sober.

"Eva do you want to go see Emma and your dad?" Jack was being gentle. Not pushing me, which I'm thankful for.

"Ummm to be honest I'm still kind of high, so I'd rather not."

He nodded, "Alright well how about we go to my house, you seem tired anyways. We could take a nap?"

It feels so different yet it feels more normal that what I've been doing normally.

I only nodded.

I went back onto my phone opening my emails.

"Fuck" I muttered.

"What's wrong?" He's so concerned.

"Cookie has been trying to get ahold of me. Empire, they needed me to sign a contract, saying I'd be for sure okay with the management team and all that Jazz. I should call her."

He sighed, "I've talked to Bart. I told him I wasn't coming back to Magcon until you did, there's only 5 shows left. I figured we weren't go-" I cut him off.

"No let's go."

"Eva, we need to focus on you right now. Not millions of other people."

It would be so fun though!! Traveling. It'd for sure keep my mind off of... Well. Nevermind.

"I want to. I need to go back to normal and that was my normal. Before everything went to shit."

He looked like he was contemplating everything I just said.

I just want to be happy, seeing people who do nothing but support you is the best thing for me I think.

But I also see where he's coming from, he cares about making sure I'm okay, but I really am okay. I think.

We pulled into his house and I began to feel panicked. Mainly because I saw his mothers car in the open garage. Holy shit I don't want to face anyone.

"I don't want to go in there."

He became EXTREMELY concerned and placed his hand on my thigh. "Baby what's wrong?"

I exhaled a breath and shook my head, keeping my eyes forward.

"I don't want to see anyone. I feel embarrassed. I ran away like an idiot and literally told no one I was even alive. My dad probably hates me, jack I'm so sorry" I broke down and started crying.

I tried catching my breath but it was no use.

He engulfed me in a hug and I just kept crying.

"Shhhh baby no one hates you. We all love and support you. You felt stuck, we all know you went away for yourself, we all understand why you did what you did. You were hurt, it's okay Eva." He rubbed my back and I cried into his shoulder.

"I think I should go see my father."

He just nodded and started the car again.

A wave a relief came over me that I wouldn't have to face anyone who wasn't my close family.

I just feel so guilty for partying away all the pain.

My high is definitely gone now and I'm not talking nonsense anymore.

I'm getting drug back into reality and I don't know if I'm ready for it. I'm scared.

We drove in silence, but it was comfortable. He knew I just needed to think and pull myself together.

We pulled into my driveway before I knew it and I saw my dads car in the driveway, parked around the large curve.

My house looked so peaceful. I've missed it, not going to lie.

Jack parked in front of the garage door.

I opened my door and hoped out of jacks Jeep.

I took a deep breath in and loved the fresh feeling of being outside, our house was in the country kind of so it always had that fresh air smell.

I walked up to my front door and pressed the knob down and opened the door, hearing the beeping of the alarm signaling the door being opened.

I heard my dad say "hello?" And before I could reply he was around the corner from the kitchen and stood there shocked and stiff.

"Eva" he whispered. I ran into his arms and he immediately wrapped me around him.

"Oh my god Eva you're okay" it sounded like he was telling himself that rather than to me.

"I'm so sorry dad" I wasn't crying, frankly because I couldn't. My emotions were sad and all but I just wasn't going to cry.

I hate crying.

I'm so over crying.

It seemed like forever until he finally released his grasp around my body and looks in Jacks direction.

"Thank you for finding her Jack." He nodded his way, smiling, "it's the least I could do Mr. Goff"

"Please, call me Ryan. You're family. We already lost one, I'm ready to expand the family as much as possible, I never want to lose anyone ever again." He slightly chuckled.

I love my dads energy, I could tell he was hurt more than any of us, but he was still the most positive. He always knew how to keep a smile on his face. Poor guy, I left him alone for these past few weeks. I feel awful. I feel like literal shit.