Without You

chapter fourteen

Jack

Eva is no where to be found. She's not in the bathroom, she ain't in the living room, definitely not outside, the only other place could be her bunk.

I walk through the bus and to the door that leads to the beds, I try to open it but it's locked from the inside.

I mutter, "fuck"

I hear talking so I put my ear to the door and stay quiet so I can listen.

"Eva it's oka-"

"NO! It's not okay Makayla! You don't understand, nobody understands."

"I do! I understand Eva"

"No you don't! You don't know how it feels to not have a mother anymore. Or how it feels to have such a huge part of your life be taken from you, and all that's left is a hole where she is supposed to be."

Eva's broken voice got closer, "nobody fucking understands."

The door unlocks and she swings the door open but is startled when she sees me.

A tear falls from her swollen and red eyes and she quickly puts her head down and brushes past me.

I grab her hand hoping she'd turn around and let me hug her, but she doesn't. She just stands there, dead in her tracks and removes her hand from mine.

I felt Makayla stand next too me as we both waited to see with sad eyes, what was going to happen next.

Eva

I took a deep breath and looked up closing my eyes and clearing my head.

"I'm sorry, this is just really hard to deal with and I don't know how to feel." I slowly turn around and face the utter two most important people in my life.

I study Jack, he looks like he's going to cry, I then move my eyes towards Makayla, "M can you just give me and Jack a minute?"

She nodded and walked past me, giving me an empathy smile.

I bring my eyes up to meet jacks utterly sad brown ones.

He looks like he's coming to the realization of something that I'm not catching.

I don't know what to say.

Jack

I've never wanted anything more than I want Eva, and ever since I've gotten her I keep letting her become more and more broken.

I'm supposed to be making her smile and make her happy, but seeing her so hurt makes me feel like I'm going doing my job.

Her beautiful blue eyes beam into mine and all I can think about are those amazing eyes, crying.

"Eva. I want to be completely honest with you."

I saw the lump get caught in her throat as she tried to speak but I don't think she knew what to say.

All she did was nod.

"I'm not doing my part of being a good boyfriend. I think you need more of a friend right now, and that's what Im going to be. We were best friends once and you were the happiest ever, I just want that for you again."

Fuck fuck fuck. This is hurting me so much more than I thought it would. What am I doing?

I felt a tear fall from my eye but I had to stay strong, "I'm always going to be here for you, and maybe in the future we can come back to being together again. But I just want you to be happy, and I'm not making you happy."

Her shaky hand reached her mouth and she finally tore her gaze away from me.

"Y-your breaking up with me?"

Her voice was broken and hurt but I was trying to do this to help her, I'm helping her.

I nodded slowly, "I'm sorry Eva. I think it would best for you-"

She cut me off by shaking her head. She looked at me with hate and said "You seriously think breaking up with me is going to make me feel better?! Jack are you fucking insane?"

"Eva just look at yourself! Your broken and i can't fix you." What the fuck am I saying. Jack your being so fucking stupid.

Her crying immediately stopped. And she looked at me like I just killed someone. She looked terrified.

"No that's not what I mean-" she cut me off, quietly though.

"Your right. I am broken. But I never thought I wasn't fixable. It's okay jack, I get it."

She looked down and wiped her tears away.

I've never felt like such a piece of shit before in my entire life. But I'm doing this for her. She's going to realize it one day when she's happy and back to being her again.

"Eva I want to be friends with you, I want to go back to the way it was."

She scolded me, her words were laced with seriousness and I knew I really fucked up, "we can be friends or whatever the fuck you want to call it. But we will never go back to the way it was. That jack is long gone, that jack never would've given up on me."