BACK TO LOVE.

02

'' You look like death. Don't you think you should have stayed home again today?"

'' Emily I could stay home for the rest of my life and it still wouldn't have made a difference."

" Still having nightmares babe?"

Ayanda nodded while mixing her batter. Emily looked at her friend  worryingly.

"The nightmares are more frequent and scarier. At first I thought it was because the anniversary of her disappearance was close but it's been three weeks since and they are just getting worse.''

'' Do you still see the therapist though?''

'' No I stopped going like six months ago. It wasn't helping so against the husband's advice, I stopped going.''

Axel had gotten her into therapy when he came home one day to her laying on the floor of their daughter's bedroom crying. While the twins were no where insight.

'' Must've made the arguments worse.''

'' Yep. We just had another one this morning. He still denies that he blames me for Amber's disappearance but I know he does. After all I blame myself."

She explained while handing one of her regular customers her change. The women went into the café adjacent to their bakery and began placing their freshly baked pastries and cakes while customers walked in and were assisted by the other four workers.

'' Aya, don't you think you cause these arguments by insinuating that he blames you. What if he blames himself?"

'' Mily (pronounced Miley) .. I was supposed to be watching our daughter when she disappeared. How can he blame himself. I blame myself and it's only right he blames me.''

'' He blames himself because every black African man blames himself if his family is put in danger, no matter the circumstances. He might also feel that him being successful and well known put his child in danger. You know how he likes to brag about you guys.''

Ayanda sighed out loud while kneading bread dough. She put it away and attended to her wedding cake batter which was mixing in the machine and when she was satisfied with that. She worked on her fondant icing for the wedding cake.

'' I guess your right but as a mother I feel he blames me. Like what kind of mother loses their child. I feel wherever she is she probably thinks I don't want her anymore....''

She said with tears in her eyes.

''...and you are right I do start the fights but only because I feel guilty and in a way I want him to confirm my guilt. I weirdly want him to blame me. I know I am crazy but I cannot be happy not knowing where my little girl is!''

The tears she tried so hard to hold in came running down her cheeks.

'' I wish I could say something or do something that would make all this better but there's nothing. All we can do is trust that we will find her.''

'' It's been nine months. The police have no lead. All the tips they got turned out to be wrong or chancers trying to cash in on our pain and desperation.''

The twins were in a playroom specifically made for children when they were in the store. Emily went out to check on them just as Ayanda got a call from her husband and spoke to her for a few minutes before hanging up.

'' The boys are playing with the other children whose parents are in the coffee shop. Are you okay?''

'' Not really but there's nothing you can do about it.''

Emily hated how she never wanted to talk when troubled but learnt to let her be if she did not want to argue.