Cold

Trust me,I'll break your heart

Suddenly my throat felt like broken glass and breathing became harder.
I always felt unease in front of him but right now I knew I was his enemy and I knew he hated me for so many different reasons.
So being alone with him in this moment was a risk.

Nevertheless I nodded my head and followed him outside despite the doctor's protests.
For a little while Eric was silent and we walked quietly through the corridors.
After a few more minutes we reached my room and Eric,to my surprise,walked inside.
He sat at my bed and suddenly his silhouette looked massive over my small mattress.
He didn't fit in such a small place.

I think he waited for me to sit as well but even if there was any space on the bed I would sit so close to him.
So I crosted my arms over my chest and waited for him to speak.
He looked at me considering if he should talk down on me for silently defying him or pretend it was nothing.
He chose the latter.

"Adelane I've been thinking these past weeks that I should clarify some things to you.I am going to get straight to the point because I don't want to have any further interaction with you any more."

His last words felt like small pieces of glass pressed on my skin and I felt the urge to stop him from saying anything else.
But I didn't.
Instead I stood there listening to him speak but not really understanding the words he spoke.

"I want you to know whatever I did those past months were at first purely to get on Four for the humiliation during initiation.After I realized you might be the perfect project for Jeanine I had to continue with our relationship.That is all and nothing else.Whatever else you think you saw or felt was nothing."
He spoke without taking his eyes off mine and even though i was aware of the tears on my eyes and even if I knew all those things hearing him saying it after all those declarations of love felt like the most painful thing I ever had to endure.
Because no matter what I would always love him.Because you can't just stop loving someone and I can't pretend like he did.

"The night I escaped you asked me if I loved you...why did you do it?" I whispered.

"I told you that whatever you think you know about me is a lie.I am sorry Adelane."

"Sorry?" I couldn't help but laugh and I knew how crazy I looked laughing while I had tears on my eyes.

"Eric,I...I don't think whatever you say will ever make up for the things you did to me.But I am more sorry for you for thinking that no one could ever love you because I did love you and I still do and i will always do.
You had the chance to be happy and to have someone by your side no matter your twisted personality.
And you lost it."

He stared at me with those empty cold eyes and I felt a strong repulse.
I pointed my finger to the door.

"Get out." I said.

He didn't move.

I screamed.
I screamed like I had never screamed before.
I said many things and threw blurry eyes I could see him and I screamed more.

He finally left.
And I suddenly realized how my life had turned into nothing and I cried more.
For the girl and life I lost.