Haven't slept in days my head is pounding, thoughts racing through my head. I lay in bed blade in bed asking myself now the time. Looking back at today as a sharp pain slides across my wrist. "Why isn't this helping" I yell in anger forcing the blade deeper into my flesh? My thoughts slow as I focus on the pain. Tears form in my eyes as I wish I could just not wake up. The pain is fading now but the anxiety is having its turn. "Maybe they're right I do need to just give the meds a chance", I say to myself. No, I yell once again as I grab the knife. This time jabbing it into my wrist. The pain causing the blade to fall to the floor. I feel my eyes getting heavy so I turn to smoke. To scared to dream, too worried that I'll feel better. "No", I say to myself, 'if you feel better then you'll just be numb not giving a fuck about anything else'. I'm staring at the ceiling replaying the thought of suicide. Crying with a grin on my face picturing my end. "God, please save me. I don't want to be here I beg you just let be at peace". A voice in my head starts mocking me, "oh please save me... Your weak, you worry your family every day with the shit you post, your not worth helping" the voice says. I want to argue with it but I am too exhausted to move. "Maybe I'm a lost cause, maybe I'm nothing", I think to myself. I continue battling my demons while I begin to feel so numb. I stare at the knife on the floor and shake my head. "No you can do"- "you can try to"- unable to decide whether I should stay or go I roll over and stare at my clock. It reads 2 am. I drift off to sleep feeling closer to death as darkness fills my vision.
YOU ARE READING
All in my head?
Non-FictionWhy fight this pain, when everyday it only becomes easier to go? This is sort of a diary it will become more of a story as the chapters continue. May have mentions of suicide. Might have graphic images, if that bothers you don't read this, check out...
