I feel different now. I'm not sad and haven't really been the last few days. I slowly starting to stop cutting which i never really wanted or thought i could stop! "Am I happy" I ask myself? I feel good, people keep saying i seem like i'm doing better.
If really am feeling happy and this is not just another fucking manic episode, then great.
I just can't stop thinking about killing myself. That thought alone has made me smile. Still don't know if i want to grow old. I really honestly not mind die tonight. That way i'd die happy. If there is a god he'd finally grant me this wish.
"Hey your going to be okay"! I look around quickly realizing the voice was just in my head. I'm so used to only thinking about the negative that this shocks me. "Is it gonna be okay"? I felt so dumb posting about how i wanted to kill myself a few days ago. The response i got was unexpected. I thought everyone would think i was kidding.
My notifications started going off like crazy. With people who didn't even know telling me that they cared about me and not to kill myself.
I really hope i don't let you down. Infact i'm gonna fight. I'm going to do whatever it takes to feel happy.
YOU ARE READING
All in my head?
Non-FictionWhy fight this pain, when everyday it only becomes easier to go? This is sort of a diary it will become more of a story as the chapters continue. May have mentions of suicide. Might have graphic images, if that bothers you don't read this, check out...
