Can't sleep my thoughts constantly racing. I just can't get excited anymore. I have no interest in sex, or even trying to get into a relationship. Now the TV is blaring in my attempt to drown out my own sobbing. Not really sure why I'm even trying to fight my feelings. "God please just let me sleep", I cry out. I know its no use for someone like me to pray. I feel too broken to even remotely deserve heaven if there is one. I roll over on my side causing one of the slits to reopen blood starts dripping onto my sheets. Unfortunately, I could care less. I take a quick glance at my wrist and smile. "I deserve it", I say to myself. By now it's 1 Am my head is pounding as I struggle to apply some finishing touches to my nails. I made them short and black. Black representing my lungs and short like the breaths I'm taking in between bowls. I hate the taste of tobacco but have gotten addicted to high. In a few weeks, I'll be 21 and the only reason I'm looking forward to that is so I can drown my emotions in alcohol. "God my life is just one big addiction", I say smacking myself. God knows I'm far from perfect but I just want a chance at a better life. I bow my head and pray harder than ever that I'll sleep tonight. Once finished lay back on my bed staring a the clock which now reads 2 am. I brush away my tears as my eyes grow heavy and I finally feel tired enough to fall asleep.
YOU ARE READING
All in my head?
Non-FictionWhy fight this pain, when everyday it only becomes easier to go? This is sort of a diary it will become more of a story as the chapters continue. May have mentions of suicide. Might have graphic images, if that bothers you don't read this, check out...
