Wanna die so bad but too scared. To try anymore. Wanna shave my wrist to the bone.
"No your better than that"a Voice echoes in my head!
So i'm gonna numb this feeling with stimulants.
I' ll give this another month or so cause even when i'm fine i'm not happy i just go from one thing to another trying desperately to find a bit of happiness. Death dosn' t scare me there is no fucking heaven.
Life is funny its full of rape, lies, drugs, death and pain but i love every second of it. Why because i try so fucking hard to make every day better when i just want it to end. So i changed myself my hairs black, so are my nails. I live in the shadows of my mind.
"How would i even end it" i've tried slitting my wrist, overdosing on meds, getting hit by traffic only to wake back up. Not have a sharp enough knife. No fucking cars hit me they all stopped. So i gave up on Suicide.
Now i try to make other people's days better just to make myself a little less worthless.
"I'm such a fucken loser", i tell myself. Banging my head against a wall just once. People know i need help but you can't repair someone as broken as me.
I'm tired of feeling this way. Helpless to fix whats wrong with me. Using meds to numb down every damn night amd using stimulants to just focus every fucking day.
If i'm alive let me know because i sure can't feel it anymore. I try sleeping more but its not helping like it should. I don' t want to be bipolar i don't want to loose my friends because i talk about this shit. I just don't know what else to do. My only only escape feels like death.
YOU ARE READING
All in my head?
No FicciónWhy fight this pain, when everyday it only becomes easier to go? This is sort of a diary it will become more of a story as the chapters continue. May have mentions of suicide. Might have graphic images, if that bothers you don't read this, check out...
