New Beginnings (undergoing editing)

Chapter(10) The Fight

Happy pride month 🏳️‍🌈 my peeps! Stay strong 💪 remember that your beautiful and perfect no matter what! Stay strong! Stay safe!! I'm here if anyone needs/wants to talk.
❤️💛💚💙💜🖤💗🌈🏳️‍🌈

Liza's POV
Before long we all have grilled cheeses in front of us and we're watching Ellen. And that's the way we spent our day. In our, PJs cuddled on our couch watching Ellen and eating grilled cheeses. This was great.

Then in the middle of our Ellen marathon, James and Toby come in through the front door and says, "we're home! What's for supper?"

The boys and I look at the clock above the tv and it's six o'clock at night. We haven't eaten anything since 12:00, other than all the junk food that we ate while we binged Ellen. I giggle at the mortified looks on the boy's faces.

I am scooped up and taken to the kitchen, where Toby and James are standing. Toby's holding a bottle of something, I think it's the weight gaining formula that was gotten for me. Oh no, he doesn't look happy.

I stay in Lewis's arms for a minute until he kisses my head. I'm handed off to James and he immediately takes me upstairs. He's practically flying up the stairs, "what's wrong Jamie? Did I mess up? Why is Toby mad? Is he mad at me?" I stop asking questions out loud after a few questions rattle out of my mouth.

We arrive in my room and James kisses the top of my head as he shuts my bedroom door. Then I hear it. The yelling, not like they were being tortured screams, but mad screams. I hear Toby first.

"WHAT THE HELL? YOU GAVE HER DRUGS??!! TO MAKE HER SLEEP?! THAT'S SO FUCKED UP?! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??!! WHAT WERE YOU THINKING!!!!?? OH, FUCKING WAIT! YOU WEREN'T!!"

Toby screams at the top of his lungs. I hear someone talk to him back, trying to calm him down a little bit. I guess it works for now. But I'm sure I haven't heard the last of his screeching like a damn banshee. Meanwhile, James has tucked me into bed and is laying on the other side of my bed.

Then because it's quiet I hear the voices in my head start to chant.

This is all my fault.
This is all my fault.
This is all my fault.
This is all my fault.
This is all my fault.
This is all my fault.
This is all my fault.

I start to hyperventilate my breathing quickens and it's harder to breathe now. It feels like there's someone crushing me and my lungs are giving out. There's no air going into them and out again. What the hell am I gonna do? I'm gonna die. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

My chest gets tighter and now it's impossible to breathe. I bring my knees up to my chest and start to rock back and forth. I go to stand up to walk into the bathroom so I could have this panic attack alone, but my legs turn to jelly the minute they touch the cold hardwood floors.

Someone grabs me as I fall to the floor by the upper arms and hauls me gently back into bed. I know that it's James and he sits back on my bed. He sits behind me and strokes my hair while whispering in my ear to "keep calm kiddo nothing bad is going to happen it's not your fault."  Over and over again.

Eventually, the tightness in my chest starts to go away and it's easier to breathe again. "Thanks, James."  I say to him and he says to me "no problemo. I'm here for you kiddo."