SCENERY / Taejin

11. Not A Crush

The others did what they had always done whenever I got into a mood. Leaving me alone. They knew I couldn't be talked into anything in such cases.

But I wasn't moody. I had never been more excited for anything. I couldn't sleep the whole night and tossed and turned, giggling and talking to myself.

The next morning, I greeted them all with the biggest smile and they looked too confused to say anything back. Jin-hyung looked scared.

At the breakfast table, everyone kept stealing glances at me as I happily gobbled down my rice and soup. Our schedules were packed and we had a busy day ahead of us.

Suga-hyung cleared his throat, turning to me, "Taehyung, I need to talk to you about the song you asked me to help with. I'm going ahead to the studio in my car. Come with me." He got up dusting his lap and made for the door.

"Thank you for the meal!" I said out loudly. Jin-hyung was sitting infront of me and he looked up. Making eye contact, I could feel my face reddening again. On impulse, I winked at him and dashed off.

"This brat!!," I heard hyung shout from the apartment as I started to run following Suga-hyung.

__________

We drove in complete silence for a while until Suga-hyung finally broke the ice.

"So.. yesterday was something," he started scratching his neck.

If I was gonna be shameless..I knew I had to start soon.

"It's true though," I kept my eyes straight ahead; avoiding his glance.

Hyung sighed.
"But did you have to blurt it out infront of everyone? You got Jimin and Jk all shook there."

"Huh? Just them? What about you, hyungs?"

"Well.... You're not really that subtle in showing your possessiveness all these years, ya'know?"

I grinned sheepishly. I guess I really was that easy to read.

He sighed again. "It's not something to be laughing about, you brat. How are you gonna deal with it?"

I shook my head, " I don't know. I told Jin-hyung I'll try to make him like me too. You know how hyung has never been in a relationship...
Maybe he won't know until he tried it..
Well..that is.. with me. What if he likes guys....too?" I was almost pleading him to agree to my nonsensical point.

Hyung glared at me. Then, turned to the road again.

"Are you sure it's not just a crush?"

"No,it's not."

"How do you know?"

"I just know it."

We reached the parking lot of the studio. But both of us stayed put.

"Taehyung.. do you know that I'm Bisexual?"

I did not!
"Whatt? No I did not! How did I not know that??"

"Cos I'm not as transparent as you." He was leaning back on his seat, massaging his eye lids.

"But my point is.. I am Bi. And I had a crush on Namjoon way back when it was just the two of us. And also Hobi. I just admired his skills and helping me over the years and before I knew it, I was crushing on him too.."

My lips twitched and I wanted to tease him..but I knew better not to. So I just grinned.
Hyung opened his eyes and directed them at me again,

"We're always together. And we do everything together. We rarely get to meet and see other people too. So, it's easy crushing on each other. Think about that. I'm cool with you being gay. Everyone's gonna be cool about it. But about Jin-hyung. It could be just a passing crush. So, before you complicate things, have a talk with yourself first. Alright?"

Hyung always made good points. All those years that I'd known him, he'd always help me whenever I was in conflicting situations.

"O-okay.... I'll think about that." I didn't feel too happy anymore.

"Don't be so down now. We have a big day. I'm going up ," he gave me a pat on the shoulder and got out of the car.

A crush. I had never really thought about it that way. As long as I could remember, I knew I liked him. And how different was crushing and liking on someone?

The sound of the gate beeping open broke my thoughts. A van, I recognize was ours pulled into the driveway across from where I was. The other members came out one by one; first Hobi-hyung, then our Leader, then Jiminie and Kook... Faces I've seen a countless times. Faces that felt so familiar. Close. Comfortable.

Then, Jin-hyung stepped out from the van, his bangs covering his puffy eyes, in his oversized sweater. And my heart skipped a beat.

His face felt new every single time I looked at him. His presence excited me like I was opening a new present everytime. I could never get enough of him or the feeling.

The feeling of a sudden rush of happiness and sadness altogether. And a whole orchestra of other emotions at the background.
It warmed and pained my heart at the same time. But I wanted to feel it forever.

The group was laughing, chattering. But I only saw him.
Staring through the tinted glass, I gulped.

"Suga-hyung.. I really don't think it's just a crush though.."