SCENERY / Taejin

27. In My Dreams

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Capitán Corbeta C. A. Curbelo International Airport. Local Time is 11:27 and the temperature is currently 21 °C or 69.8 °F. For your safety and comfort, please remain seated with..."

The announcement wakes me up, not that I was fully asleep. I've been fidgeting and jumpy the whole journey.
Memories of Japan comes back and it makes me nervous and even scared. I'm praying my guts are right this time and that I've arrived at the correct place. I haven't told anyone about coming here and so if I mess this up, I'll have to lick my wounds alone; I can't burden the other guys with my incompetence any more.

Safely disguised in my hat, glasses and mask, I leave my hotel room to look for restaurants nearby. I could easily eat at the hotel I'm staying but there's a long list of cafes and coffee shops to visit, so I figured I'd take every opportunity to eat out and check all the places in the city one by one.
Hobi-hyung's friend and brother have been helping me alot through calls and messages in providing possible locations but the list was still long.

It's still bright in the evening and I take my time, slowly pacing along the sidewalks paralleling the sea coastline. A gentle breeze blows past me and the atmosphere feels fresh and wonderful.

In time, the sun over the horizon slowly starts to set and it makes the prettiest orange and purple colors in the sky as it mixes with the blue of the sea.

So here I am, Punta del Este- the very opposite side of the world from the place he and I both call 'home'. The place we talk about for our trip years ago. We were right; this place really would make such a great vacation spot.

Somewhere, hopefully near, hyung could be enjoying the same beautiful sunset. With that optimism in mind, I leave the beautiful scenery and head towards my first search.

As I enter the restaurant, my eyes roam the decor and staffs looking for any clue. It's a small and cozy place with a young man at the counter. It's quite packed and the waitress approaches me with a smile. I opt for a corner table and have my meal in silence, observing the people. It feels almost as if I'm playing detective and I chuckle to myself. A 30 year old man, finally fulfilling his and every 7 year old's dream of being an undercover spy on a secret mission.

I'm in a good mood today and I pat myself on the shoulder mentally. It's mostly because of what Seok-joong hyung has said about Jin-hyung.
To hear it directly from him would make me the happiest man alive. I feel like somehow it'll make my apology valid. If he'll forgive and have me back again, I'll spend my whole life protecting him from the things I made him go through.

I'm in a healthier state of mind. The voices in my head aren't as loud anymore and I want it to remain this way.
.
.
.
.
.
but for how long?

_________

I'm a weak person emotionally. I've always known this. And as much as I try to push myself forward and feed myself the optimism I had on the first day, it slowly drains down inevitably as the days passed.
And then weeks. Three weeks I've been here without any luck. It's not the biggest city but it's still a city and I came here fully knowing the logistics and difficulty of my task. I'm not disheartened yet but really, really drained though.

I'm whining as I toss and turn in my hotel bed. At some point, I've had enough of eating out and would really kill for a good bowl of rice and kimchi stew. No matter where you go and how great the food is, your taste buds eventually misses home. Grandma always smacked me for being such a picky eater and I kind of want to smack myself now for being this way in such a situation.
But the stomach and mouth wants what it wants.