SCENERY / Taejin

14. Nothing Else Matters

My happiness knew no bounds. I was driven by hyung's words. The one thing that feared me most was him distancing himself from me. But he didn't. Instead he asked me to wait. And wait I would. But I would also prove him that I meant every word that was said.

I was adamant to show how special he was to me. I was always attentive; I remembered every detail in our conversation and used it later. Hyung like strawberries but he doesn't like strawberry flavoured snacks. I remembered that. He loves blueberry scents so when I bought him lotions or soaps, I remembered to get ones scented like that. Whenever his eyes twitch too much, it meant he was hungry so I remembered to loudly proclaim that I was too so we could both go eat. I remembered to compliment his looks alot on days when he was wearing his glasses instead of his lenses because I knew he felt insecure about them. And on movie nights, I remembered not to get horror cos he hates it. I'd get Ghibli animations instead so we could watch it together even if the others didn't want to join. Much better if the others didn't join.

I started becoming bolder. I wanted to show my affection for him infront of people. Our members just went through with it; ignoring it or teasing me to no ends. Even when cameras were on us, I didn't care. I didn't care what anyone saw or interpreted. I was so bad at hiding my feelings..so why bother to. It even felt a little good making the world know. Hyung deserved all the love, attention and affection. And I was more than happy to show myself giving it to him.

The company called me in alot of times and warned me to compose myself. I was required to appear and behave in so many orchestrated ways. To be the perfect model for people to idolise, an 'Idol'.

I didn't care if I was scolded or anything. I didn't give a rat shit about it.
But I cared about hyung.
When they called in hyung after me, I was always afraid. I hated the idea of him standing in the grey office, head hung low and recieving all those harsh words. He's always been scolded more than us from the beginning; for his lackings. He's worked so hard and for so long to prove people, to eliminate reasons to be scolded and he had succeeded.

But he was here again, reliving that exact same situation. But not for any fault of his this time. He did nothing wrong.
It was all me. I hated that he was being blamed for my actions. And it sickened me. Made me feel guilty. Made me feel defeated and unsure of what to do next.

It was not what I did but what our company did next that affected the flow of our relationship.

"V-ssi.. do you still have contact with the actress, Miss Oh (name)?" One of our managers asked one day.

I hesitated for a bit..but replied that we still kept contact as friends.

"Can you arrange a meeting for us? We'd like to ask for her participation for a new MV."

"Why don't the company ask her officially?"

"Of course. But We just feel like she'll be more accepting coming from you,her friend."

"Sure... whatever."

"Good. Let us know so we can make reservations at a nice restaurant. You may go."

Noona and I met up a few days later. We texted sometimes, so it was never awkward with her and we had a good time with our lunch.
But my manager never came. I called him, and the company but no reply.
The whole thing felt weird but I shook it off and focused on my companion.

When I made it back home that evening, the others were gathered in the living room again with food on the low table. I sat down to eat but Hobi-hyung stopped me,

"Hey.. Taehyung? What is this about you and this scandal on dispatch just now?"

"What??"

"You don't know??"