SCENERY / Taejin

20. Parting

Hyung's breath heaved slowly against my chest. His arms are thrown around me and mine around him protectively.

I stare ahead at the glass doors infront of my vision. It was already dawn. Still a bit dark but bright enough to show every detail on the person asleep in my arms. My mind trailed back to the night before. How hyung had come at me so unexpectedly and the passionate kisses that we had shared.

A side of him I've never seen before. He wasn't just passionate, it felt almost desperate. Greedy. Like he was grabbing on to me as much as he could before he lost it. Hyung has been deprived of those emotions all his life and when he finally got a taste of it, he was being forcibly pulled away.

"I wish our trip had lasted just a little bit longer..," he murmured, his lips swollen and red after the kiss, head resting on my arm.

My mind debated on what to answer and before I could, he did
"Let's go on a super long trip when I come back,hmm?" and looked up at me.
I smiled at the innocent twinkling eyes.

This man is supposed to be older than me.

"Somewhere warmer. Or my nose will fall off if I follow you in the snow for too long,"I teased.

"Hmm..like Haeundae Beach or Jeju? Hyung racked his head for more ideas.

"Umm-hmpph." I shook my head. "Somewhere further. A lot further from here. Somewhere like the very opposite side of the world from where we are now.
Far from....all of these.. "
my voice grew weak again.

"Umm...I'd like that very much,"he cooed.
We stayed in comfortable silence and soon after, he drifted to sleep.

But I couldn't, my head loud with disturbing thoughts fighting themselves. The stupid coward that I was, I couldn't think of any solution better than what was offered. I was afraid to take a step in any direction. Fear and guilt eating away any hints of sleep, I stared at him all night, concentrating on his soft features and the serenity and happiness his presence alone always made me feel; I stared greedily trying to take in as much as I could.

________

We had a big dinner, just the seven of us to say our goodbyes properly. The hyungs tried their best to be positive and console Jiminie and Kook who struggled to keep their sobs in.
Jin-hyung laughed and joked about how's he's going to join our fandom officially, 'ARMY'.
We couldn't laugh even though he finally made a good joke.

At one point in the evening though, none of us could keep our eyes dry anymore and as we pulled in for a group hug, seven different sounds of sniffles filled the small circle.

December finally came and on the very first day of the month that I've been looking forward most to,
we parted.

"Taehyung-ah, wake up. We've reached," Hobi-hyung nudged me awake.

We arrived in the US soon after to begin our 5 weeks long world tour. The six of kept ourselves occupied and busy separately, dreading if one touchy small word amongst us would break us all down again.

We had duties and roles to fill in the many interviews and shows we were invited to. And we tried our hardest to show our best selves to the public. The days seemed long but the nights dragged on longer for me, sleep hating me as much as I hated myself.

At first during practices, it took a lot of adjusting to fill in the gap, be it in singing or performing. We were still reluctant to accept his absence. Kook, Jiminie and I even more stubborn than the others but we distributed his parts amongst ourselves and resolved to perform it as close to perfection as our hyung did.