SCENERY / Taejin

13. I'll wait.

The time on my phone read 2:45. I still couldn't sleep. My legs felt numb because I was too scared to move lest I woke up Jin-hyung.
He looked so innocent; his big frame draped across my feet.
He had been so shocked, almost scared when I declared my intention of making him like me back and had been distant since.
But at that very moment, seeing him clinging to me in his drunken state and so vulnerable.. it fired up a strong feeling of protection in me. I felt a sudden urge to hold him.
I mused over these thoughts lazily and I don't remember when but I must have fallen asleep soon after.

I woke up to my phone ringing. I was in my room and in my own bed. I fumbled around and picked it up. It was Hobi-hyung.

"Tae-Tae-? You awake yet?~" his energetic voice did the job.

"I am now..," I groaned lazily.

"Good. Can you check up on Jin- hyung then??"

"Why? What happened to him? And where are you guys?" I was sitting up.

"We're in my studio practicing. Hyung got a small fever this morning so the two of you stayed home. Also! You sleep like you're dead. And you've gotten so heavy! I almost died carrying you.
Anyhew, hyung must be still asleep. Check on him please? So he's like alive or something,k? I gotta go byyeeeee. Don't do anything I won't do. Hahahahaha.."

Hyung talked too fast sometimes for anyone's understanding. But I heard 'Jin-hyung' and I heard 'sick'. I rolled off the bed, throwing my phone onto the sheets and hurried off for his room which was across the living room.

I rushed in and he was asleep as informed. His face, a lil more red than usual. Beads of sweat on his forehead and his breathing uneven. As I neared and touched him, he was shivering. He didn't open his eyes but he groaned.

"I-I'm ccold..." he struggled to whisper.

I hesitated. I didn't want to make him uncomfortable again.
But..he needed my body heat so I lifted the blanket and climbed into the bed. Slipping my right arm under his neck, I pulled his body close to me in a tight hug.

He was burning. His teeth chattering and his limbs curled to make a ball. His head pressed onto my chest, sweat was wetting my shirt. I pulled him in tighter hoping the shivering would go down...
And it did after a few minutes. His arms and legs relaxed slowly as his breathing got steadier.

I looked down at our oldest hyung, nestling in my arms; the closeness between us painfully reminding me of the thorn in my chest. It was dangerous. It made me want to devour him.. to keep him like this by my side always. To kiss him and to hold him for as long as I could because I knew I'll never have enough of it.

He brushed his nose against my shirt..writhing his body to get nearer and more comfortable.

"Hyung.."

"Hmm?" He groaned softly.

"Are you feeling better?"

"..ummm.."

"Do you want me to leave the bed now?" I asked hoping he'd object.

"..umm hmph.."

It was too cute. It made me smile a little.

"Hyung?." I called slowly again.

"Auh?" he opened his lips.. indicating he was becoming more conscious.

"We....," I halted. I took a long pause, afraid if bringing the subject up would upset him and the moment. I wrestled with my emotions and finally continued,
"..we.. is it really impossible for us to happen?"

Another long pause. Hyung stopped moving.

"... Taehyung-ah..."

His eyes were still closed but I knew he was awake.

"..can't... we... just... stay like this... and... be happy?" He responded taking his time word by word.

"I want something more," I replied staring into the white wall beside his bed.

"..what exactly?"

"I want to protect you. Care for you. Be kind to you. Do nice things for you. Buy stuffs for you.. and.."

Hyung looked up, his eyes open and staring at me, "But we do all of that now too."

His face, glistening from the fever; was beautiful. Every feature was perfect in their own imperfections and his eyes...
His eyes weakened me every single time. It always left me defeated and speechless.
But those eyes at that moment were telling me something else. It was begging me to speak more. To show more. To prove what I had just confessed.

"And...," I continued, " I want to make you feel special. I want to show everyone what a wonderful person you are. I want to experience a shit ton of stuffs with you. I want to feel all kinds of emotions with you too. I want to visit the farthest ends of the world with you and I also want to do laundry together every weekend. I want to see you everyday. And I want to hold you everynight. I want to touch you. And I want to kiss you..and..
and..
I- I..want you. I just want you to be mine."
I was starting to tear up again.

Hyung gulped. I saw his plump lips trying to press shut to hide it's quivering.

I leaned in. My eyes on them again..
"Hyung... I meant all of it.. sincerely....please....."

Just as our lips were about to touch, almost brushing against each other.. hyung ducked his head deeper into my arms again.

"Can..can you give me time?"... He whispered into my chest, shutting his eyes again.

"As long as you want.." I assured him kissing the top of his head.

I'll wait..as long as it takes.

I'm so sorry if it's too cheesy. I'm a hopeless loser at this romantic stuff. (T___T) *cri*