Ask The South Park GangClosed for Requests

Cartman's turn

Criss: Okay let's answer a few questions before we get started. Here's one from me. What's the worst advice you've ever gotten.

Stan: Find the clitoris

Cartman: Cucumber in the pants always helps

Kenny: YOLO

Kyle: Cartman made me think this advice was stupid. 'there's good in everyone!'

Criss: Okay now from Anthcruz2000 who's your favorite youtuber

Kenny: Cryaotic and Pewdipie *cough* *cough* Pewdicry and Crycest is awesome... *cough*

Kyle: Team crafted I guess..

Cartman: Bart Baker I guess. I don't fucking know.

Stan: Uh.... I'll stick with just Cry.

Criss: Okay Cartman closet time!

Cartman: *flipping her off* Fine, but I'm telling you these bitches ain't getting none of this! *walks in closet*

Criss P.O.V

Bebe walked in sitting next to Cartman and crossing her arms. "I'm not talking to you." She pouted facing the wall. Cartman stuffed some cheesy poofs in his mouth not responding.

Criss: We all know how this will go.

Kenny: They're gonna make a porno without me!

Stan: I don't think that's what she meant...

****seven minutes later****

Bebe: Go to hell asshole!

Cartman: At least we guys have assholes!

I face palmed as Bebe slammed the door in Cartman's fat face. Red walked in next. Maybe she'd have better luck. "Hi Cartman!" She said peppy. Cartman scowled in response. Her smile fell. She looked around a moment. Suddenly she was in his face clutching his shirt collar. "Listen Eric, don't try anything funny or I'm telling." She hissed. He smirked getting up from his seat. 

"Telling I'm so fucking scared! Like I want to do anything with a day walker, you ginger. You're probably a Jew like Kahl too. Besides what's stopping me." Red turned plush red. From embarrassment and anger. She screamed to the top of her lungs punching Cartman. His fat stomach took most of the impact. She did this for three minutes nonstop. She fell exhausted at his feet. I expected her to get up but she didn't. Cartman's foot moved her head as if checking if she was alive. 

"Day walker wake up bitch." He whispered moving her head with the bottom of his shoe. He sighed sitting on the floor. Her head was practically in his lap now. He scowled at her for a moment. It was like he was looking solely at her features not even thinking about anything else. He sighed again. "you know I hate to admit it but this closet shit isn't as lame as she made it out to be." He muttered. He lay his face on his hand and fell asleep.

Kyle: Hey fat ass wake up your time's up!

Cartman: *drooling* Shut up fucking Jew!

Red: *digging head into Cartman's lap muttering* Five more minutes...

Criss: *opening door and waking up Red prolonging word 'love'* Sorry sweet heart I know you looove Cartman but you only get seven minutes.

Red: *waking up startled* What the hell gross! Get away from me fat ass!

Cartman: You're the one who came onto me bitch! With your moaning. *"imitating" Red* Oh Cartman faster! Oh.

Red: *storming off* I didn't say anything!

Wendy: Let's make this fast Cartman. *closes closet door.*

Stan: *from outside* Hey Wendy!

Wendy: *from inside* yeah

Stan: I just wanted to say...

Wendy: I know Stan, I know.

Wendy stayed far away from Cartman just how Stan wanted. They were quiet for the first two minutes. Wendy broke the silence. "Hey Cartman I've been meaning to ask you something...." She whispered. Cartman raised his eyebrow still sleepy from his turn with Red. "Why do you guys hang out with her..." Cartman rubbed his eyes yawning obnoxiously. "who?" "y'know..." She muttered. Cartman smirked. "Surprise surprise the hippie is jealous of Criss?" He chuckled. She slapped him on the head. "Come on just answer the question and I'll give you a prize..." He still had a dull expression. "It might be cheesy poofs!" She said trying to persuade. He began to think.

"Honestly I don't know she calls me fat ass like everyone else and she's a beaner. Maybe it's because she's not as lame as the other girls and her house is like a fucking arcade. Fuck she's rich for a minority. You're asking why, I could use this against you why ask me." He narrowed his eyes curious.

Wendy scooted back as Cartman stared and blushed slightly. "Well... I wanted to ask everyone but stuff happened and I forgot...." He nodded at her answer as if approving. 

"Eh! Where's my fucking cheesy poofs!" He screamed stomping his foot. Wendy gave him a sly smile.

"I never said the prize was cheesy poofs." She said. Cartman frowned.

"You fucking bi-" He was cut off by  Wendy who kissed him on lips bringing him closer.

"You still want cheesy poofs." She whispered. Cartman gave her a confused look his mouth open in awe. He stared at her for a while.

"Of course I do you fucking hippie!" He shouted.

Criss: *holding down Stan* Time's up!

Kenny: Fuck yeah my turn! *goes into closet.*