I choose living.
I choose living because I started thinking positive and started thinking about my future and what I could get to do and what I could get to reach. I bet it was a mistake to choose living. life always has one point when it gets even worse and I was fighting a lot through this,but now at some point,I think it isn't possible to think positive anymore. nobody really knows what I feel,who I am and what I would love to be like. so I made a lot of mistakes this year already and they were kinda my worst mistakes i ever did.(not going into detail) i don't know if the people who i care for,care for me and love me like i love them. but i know to god,i love this one person so fucking much and she's the most important person for me,but I guess she thinks I hate her. it's her decision so I am not going to annoy her with my existence,I'll just try to survive the next months without cutting. I guess only one person cares if I cut or not,maybe I chould cut till I bleed out. but I want to live. I did so many worse mistakes and i learned from them,i wanna live. i want people to know i love them even if they hate me. i want people to know so much,but i just can't tell them because of my bad character. i talked with a friend about characters and she said "maybe you're a good person on the outside,but then you're a bad person in the inside". I understood that and thought about it. it's true. I hate myself so much even if no one cares. i love you,ok? and I know you hate me,but I just have no energy to fake my smile and make good ships in my life. I'm sorry,but I choose living.
