Downfall

Chapter 19 : Fix it or Break it

"Mom, i need to talk to you"

"what is it honey?"

"well, it's about what you said before, the part where you fall in love with someone else. what are you planning to do?"

"what do you mean?"

"are you planning on continuing cheating with dad?"

"Samantha! you don't have the right to say those kinds of things. i am still you mom"

"sorry but you have to be honest with me and with dad. are you planning on breaking up with him? or are you planning to switch partners whenever you want to"

yes, i was rude to her. she's still my mother. but i was too angry.

"Sam, watch your words, i'm not liking it"

"i'm not liking it either"

"what?"

"you making out with that guy then making out with my dad"

that was more rude and i was way out of line

"Samantha Rose Walters! you are way out of line. you are disrespecting me!"

my mom got angry too. really angry for her to say my full name

i never heard my mom say my full name for so many years, i guess the last time she called me that was way back when i was six years old, when i broke one of her favorite vases. she was really mad at that time. 

"i'm sorry, i'm sorry i was rude but whatever you want ,tell dad about it. or else, i'm gonna tell him"

"it's not yet the right time?"

"then when will be the right time mom? when i'm dead?"

"no, it's not that, you really won't understand"

"because i've never been in love? what in the world is that? love? heh! i don't believe in it. you are just making excuses"

"see? you just won't get it"

"you are the one who don't get it mom! all this time! you never really get it do you?"

my mom was just silent. she's still in range. trying to calm herself by being silent. 

"do you know what happened before the accident? actually there was never an accident, i was the one who wanted it. i wanted to die mom! i wanted to" then i bursted into tears

 "why are you being so dramatic and affected? this is not between you and me, it's between me and your dad. and the two of you are not included. do you get it? i still love you, you and max, it's just different with your dad now"

"you call it love? you leaving us behind, leaving max alone? is that love? that's being selfish. because you wanted to be happy all by yourself and you'd just let us be miserable"

"why are you like this? i thought we were best friends."

"so what, i'm just gonna be okay with it? even though i'm really not that okay? how can i be okay? how can you expect for us to accept it in just seconds or days or months. some people took them years to accept it and you, you demanded a lot, you wanted us to accept it no matter what"

"it's not like that, i never pushed you."

"i hate him, i really do. i just want to kill him and just slash him off! that's how much i hate him. i don't want to see him"

"you can never be like that to him, you must be thankful because without him, what am i now? i'll be the one who was lying in the hospital room"

"so now, you are protecting him, again? up until the last minute, you chose to protect him again? Mom! can't you see? you are choosing him over me, you said you love me? what kind of love is that?"