Downfall

Chapter 27: Second Chances

it's been a month already since i woke up and had that miracle. i still couldn't figure out why i survived but i hope it was for the better. as far as now, i can see that my mom and dad are having less fights. which is a very good thing. My dad seems to lighten up a bit, i don't know if the reason is my mom or there is someone else. Am i okay with that? well, with what happened, i guess it's not a shocker anymore if my dad found someone else, i'd be happy to see him happy and have moved on. because if my mom was truly happy then i would want for my dad to be happy too, in that way we would also be happy.  

So yeah, there are times when they talk about my dad finding another woman he could love, my mom is a bit, surprisingly, supportive. it's not that i don't want it but it's weird you know, it's still been a month after they broke up and they are talking about moving on. i know how hurt my dad is. i know he still is

Well, they say that we Walters are good at hiding our true feelings. i guess it's in our genes. 

Most days, i want to convince my parents that they are still bound to be together, i don't lose hope. i know there is still that possibility, that little fire within their hearts that they want to be together.

i've seen them together and i know how inlove they were because i am too, i am inlove with someone, i hate to admit it but i'm in love with Lucas Brown, but enough with him, being in love with someone let's you understand the world "love". My parents loved each other for 10 years, that's not a short time to just be wasted in just a year. Who are we kidding? Maybe my mom has just weakened and confused, thinking that she is inlove with that guy when in fact the truth is, she is still in love with my dad and will always be.

Ofcourse, i don't want to push it if it's already the dead end but somehow, i can see some sparks, so i want to try, one last try.

So i had a heart to heart talk with my mom, fortunately my dad wasn't at home since he has to take care some important meeting, my brother, well still locked in his room playing his favorite game, "dota". So, basically, we had really some time alone with my mother and i guess we needed that. 

After what happened, i've been so mad at her, i was mad at her because i loved her so much. Her, leaving us just like that, that was heartbreaking, so i ended up hating her so the pain that i felt would somehow lessen. But everytime i see my mom, my heart goes weak and i'll be ready to forgive her again. My mother as i said before have been neglecting us for the past few months, maybe because she was just so depressed and confused. i know she needed someone she can confide in, someone who could understand her. but my dad wasn't at her side at those times. i know i shouldn't be mad at her since she was also a victim. a victim of this situation. But i just can't help myself, i was just too hurt. i felt betrayed. she was my bestfriend and when this happen, i needed someone to talk to but i coudn't talk to her since she's involved. i guess i was pretty dependent on my mother. whenever i feel sad, mad, in love, happy or devastated, i always talk to my mom about it, get some advice from her and my heart will lighten up a bit. she was my comforter. she was my strenght. 

"Mom, i know i have been so harsh to you for this couple of months"

"honey, what ar-"

"let me finish first mom, i have a lot of things to say. first, i want to apologize, i know somehow i was just thinking about myself, i'm sorry i didn't get you. But i was just hurt, it was too painful to bear. You asked me why i was so affected? why wouldn't i? i am your daughter, i am your bestfriend and for you to be keeping this from me, i felt betrayed, i thought we were honest to each other. I love you mom, it was too painful for me that we weren't enough for you, that you had to find some guy, i hate that guy, i think i will always hate him, and i'm sorry for that but i hope you could understand what i feel. i hope you know how much this hurts us. For 18 years, we thought that our family was in tact but it was breaking, it was hard for me to accept that reality since i always thought that we are always gonna be together, unlike any other families, we were strong enough. that's what i always thought. My family was my strenght, when it fell down, every piece of me fell down, that's why i was in rage. that's why i was so mad. i'm sorry, but i need a lot of time to pick up the pieces back together again. I love you mom, you know that. i guess you are just confused. Just think about it carefully, if you still love dad, fight for it, for us please" i said while crying every moment.

"honey, sam, i'm sorry" my mom then started crying too

"i'm sorry for everything that i did, i know what i did wasn't right, but i loved a person. is loving a wrong thing? i love your dad, you know that, it was just too hard for me, i don't know if im confused or not. i know it was not easy for you two, but it wasn't easy for me too. i thought about it a lot before i entered in this situation. trust me, i got it in my hands. About your dad, if i still love him? of course, how could i not? he's my first love, he's the father of my kids, my husband. the guy who i married. It was just getting hard for the both of us, i hope you two would understand that. Your dad is, i guess he's already okay with it"

"no he is not, can't you see how much he's heartbroken?"

"i know, but if we were to get back again, this is not yet the right time, i need to fix myself first. besides, i don't have the confidence that your dad will still accept me after what i did"

"come on mom, he loves you, he would accept you"

"i hope so darling, but for now, i guess that's not an option for the both of us. if we are really meant for each other, then destiny will work it's way. right now, my focus will be on to you two. since i was neglecting you for the past few months, i want to make it up to you"

"so how about that guy?"

"oh, i broke up with him, i figured i was not yet ready. i need to focus on my children, that's what i said to him"

That night when i got to sleep, my mom and dad were talking, finally no shouting, i guess they have found a settlement. i was happy. even though it's not yet sure if they are going back  together, i guess, seeing them like this, not fighting, happy, makes me happy too and i'm sure my brother was too. That night, i kept thinking about my mom said, about them being destined for one another and this is not yet the right time

Honestly, i agree to her, i guess they need some time alone and for them to rethink about their mistakes. for the both of them. i guess they need some time for themselves.

people has the right to have second chances. i know they are both open to that. they just need some time.

As for me, i also believe in that. but why am i avoiding Lucas? i guess i was too afraid, i was afraid if we really have that second chance, a chance to restart again, to begin, to finally love each other. we were both denying it in the first place, but somehow, i believe that we will meet at the center of the road. 

The next day, it was Monday, i saw him in the lobby again, and we just said "hi" to each other, it was pretty awkward. I was feeling a little bit uneasy that day. i don't know why then suddenly i got a text

it was from Lucas Brown

"Walters! can we meet up at Burgo's Diner, tonight at 8, please do come"

i didn't know what to reply, so i didn't. i am not even sure if i can really come there

i am not yet ready, what if he tells me to stay away from him, what if he tells me he loves me, i don't know why but somehow it freaks me out

But then i realized what my mother has said to me before, that once an opportunity knocks on your door, welcome it with open arms. I don't know if this was an opportunity but then Rei told me

"When will you be ready? when it's all gone? when it's too late? remember when the wheel has turned before, didn't you say that you regretted it, you regretted for not having the chance to tell him how you feel, for not understanding how he feels? then this is the time Sam, this is your time"

"she's right! you have to be strong, for Lucas. He did a lot for you, he even gathered up his courage to talk to you. No matter what he says, accept it, at least you got to talk to him, you got to clear things out." Lisa said

the words that they said struck in to my mind. It was almost 8pm and i wasn't still ready.