Downfall

Chapter 5 : Open the bottle of tears

I remember telling you that i was bullied back then, in gradeschool and in highschool. Since i was not that pretty much and was just really simple, people took me as an easy bait. So they target me all the time. This part of the collection, it was one of the painful one. When i was in my second year of highschool, the bullies got even bigger and heavier. The bullies are getting out of control, i know i was at fault too since i didn't stop them from bullying me, i didn't fought back but i had my reasons too, reasons that some of you might not understand. but i thought before that maybe, by staying quiet, acting like it didn't affect me at all, being all happy on the outside and just laughing, then maybe they'll get tired cause they can't make a little girl cry and they'll stop by their own will, but they didn't. the bullying got even bigger and heavier. It was like one of those disastrous events, a storm, a landslide, an earthquake. But i usually don't let it bother me or destroy me.

i chose to be strong and kept being cheerful. A day came when were having a play in one of our subjects at school, the play was like a comedy clip, it was about idiots that got lost in an island, trying to survive and make their own way to live. But there, i was given the character as the most stupid person, well, i was forced to since all of them are shy and doesn't want to become a laughing stock, so i had no choice, back then i was thinking about the results, the grade, the play. But then again bullies attack, most of our members are also members of the Sam's anti-club. i call them that since they always try to bring me down and discriminate my talents. even though that time i still haven't really discoverd my rare talent.

Then guys were throwing basketball balls at me, well, we made basketball balls a coconut, they would call me "idiot" a hundred times, they would throw some trash on me, all of them laughed. i guess it was a mission success, it was really a comedy clip. but one of my classmates had a different kind of view of it, Jodah Summers, a guy who practically not one of my closest friends since he just transferred here, some of us are already classmates since gradeschool, have known each other since we were in kinder since it's all just in the same school but this guy just transferred at Bergians Academy during our first year in highschool, came over to me and talked to me after the play.

"hey, are you okay?"

"huh? what do you mean?"

"are you okay with the play? i mean on how it'd go?"

"oh, that! that was all just an act, so i guess it's okay"

"really?"

"yup"

"i know you are not. come on, if it were me, i would be really pissed, you know, it's okay to let it go, for once, it's okay not to be okay, i can understand you, you can be mad at them, it was out of the line, what they did, i mean. it was not even funny, they were not being funny, they were being mean"

out of just nowhere, this guy suddenly talks to me because of the play and not just that, he got it all right, among all the friends i knew, and i spent my entire school life, no one ever got it right. what i felt. no one ever had said to me those words. the words i want to hear all my life, up until then, i was getting good at it. acting like i don't care. acting like i wasn't hurt at all. but he saw right through me, for the first time, i felt visible. And right before i know it, a tear suddenly fall from my eyes, then it become tears, i bursted out with tears. crying all over the place. i couldn't even speak when my friends began to ask me what happened, when the guy started to panic for he don't know what he could do for a little girl like me. After a couple of minutes, i calmed myself and wiped my tears away, then i started talking. i think i owe him an explaination of the sudden outburst of tears

"so, so-sorry, i couldn't stop myself from what i've heard"

"it's okay"

i let out a big sigh then continued "it was really hard for me, but i chose to pretend like it was nothing, you saw right through me, that's why i cried, i'm sorry. i guess, it's all coming to me just now, i can feel the pain that i've been hiding for years."

"then, does it feel good?"

"what?"

"letting it all out"

"it did. thanks to you"

"you are very much welcome"

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just by watching this tearful event, i felt a sudden feeling, an eerie feeling inside of me, i want to cry but no tears are falling. i don't even know why but i couldn't cry. After having seen a lot of my memories, i still haven't gotten the answer and i felt it'll take me longer than i thought, i was getting tired of it. i needed answers, how can i continue this without even knowing the reason why i'm watching this. then i felt a sudden need of sleep, i want to lie in a bed, a comfy one, in my bed. i want to go back home, to where that might be.

i could only remember some names and some places. in my house, i can only remember what our living room looked like, our kitchen, our storage, our attic, but i can't really picture out my bed, come on, can you show me some scenes where i'm in my bed? that's what i thought, but then the next scene had no signs at all that my bed will be featured.

So i got disinterested, i really want to get some sleep, it feels like my body is heavy, i am feeling heavy, then out of thinking really carefully, a bed appear, and i just laid out there. now this feels good, i thought i was having a rest from watching those memories. but as i watch the top, i can still see the light, the memories that i had. and so it continues