My one and only fear right now, is that i'll completely lost myself along the way and in the end, i'll become one of then "unknowns". Nothing but a complete pure substance. just an atom. I don't want to be like that. i wanted to feel love again, warmth, care.
But i was also scared. scared to love like Juliet, or like Jack from Titanic, willing to risk everything just for the ones they've loved. what if i'll risk it to the wrong person? what might come of it? But i knew deep inside my heart what and who caused me to become like this.
it was my mother
it's been two months now since the last time we talked. i remember what we talked about. we were just having some chats about her things that needs to be given to her and how she's doing living in that guy's place.
i hated her for talking to me about that guy, i don't care about him. and i don't care how they both are doing. i wanted for their relationship to fail. that's how much angry i have been.
The torture was beginning to be harsh and painful and more tortorous that it ever was. Everyday was like a living hell for me. i was being empty, the house that was once full of flowers, full of sunshine, full of air, full of love, full of warmth, is now nothing but a hollow cave. cold wind are blowing, dark aura, dark sky, it was empty, the feeling was empty. I didn't like the feeling at all. i was beginning to be a hollow person too. beginning to be numb.
who wouldn't be?
when all you could do was cry every day. coming home towards this empty shell. was even worst. no mother. no father. it was only me and Max.
after the break up, my dad was trying to distract himself by working and just working.
now, it explain why Max only plays computer games, he's doing his own way in distracting himself
in my case? i was a bit sadist. i tortured myself, reminiscing the past by watching our phot albums, crying again.
it was painful
it's was getting painful every day.
i had no one to talk to
basically cause my phone was destroyed last time i got angry and emotional, i threw my phone and boom! it hit the wall hard, the lcd was broken and the phone just died.
R.I.P to my phone
i'm sorry phone that you have to endure it
so i couldn't contact my friends and in all honesty, i didn't want to let them know.
day by day, all i could think of was the happy memories that we have shared. i can still hear the laughter wherever i go in the house.
in the kitchen, in the living room even in the bedroom. but now, it was all diffrenent. you can't hear a noise because it was pure silence that was surrounding the place. the house was kinda big so you would really feel the loneliness 100% more than the normal sized ones.
i used to love our house
but this time i hate how big it is. i hate how much it has space on it. i wanted to feel the warmth again. but it just wont happen again
my mother is not coming home.
it's never going to be fixed.
i was too late
eveything's gone now.
whenever i remembered how happy she was in that guy's place, i get angry once again and i just wanted to rip that guy's face for once and for all. i wanted to kill him. i wanted to murder him
YOU ARE READING
Downfall
Teen Fictionwhere am i? what is this place? am i dreaming? i can't remember anything at all
