Downfall

Chapter 23 : We found love in a hopeless place

As my soul was wandering in the Earth for three days, i really tried my best not to see him. i was really not yet ready to face him. My friends went home and it's my mom and dad again, oh right, my brother too are accompanying me. 

"Felix, you need to drive Max to his school, he still needs to attend it"

"but mom, i want to be here for my sister" Max exclaimed

"i know son, but you have to do your studies first and besides would your sister be happy if you are being like this?"

"i don't know. bu---t"

"Come on Max, i'll drive you. you have to work your best for your sister" my dad said

and so, they both went to Max's school

a few minutes later after dad and Max went out, the doctor then came to my room and called my mom. 

" i need to talk to you about something. let's just do it in my office"

it's not that i will tell your secret doctor. you can't even see me. others can't see me. so who am i gonna leak it to?

so here am i, being all awkward standing beside my body. my unconscious body. trying her best to breathe. while i was so preoccupied with my body laying beside me. i didn't even noticed the presence of someone coming in my room until

"hey! Walters, what's up? still sleeping huh, i'm envious, you get to sleep all day while i try to get up and face the world and just go to school" a familiar voice said

then when i looked, i saw the vision of the person. i never thought he would come. i wasn't prepared and just like that, my tears fell again

what are you doing here Lucas? trying to speak to him even though he can't hear me

"You might think that everything's fine being asleep then let me tell you, you are wrong, how can you miss this divine person in front of you. so you need to open your eyes and take just one look at me"

he was just looking at me with sad eyes. those eyes, i never thought he could make those eyes. Those certain emotions i've been longing to feel from him is now appearing. unfortunately, it had to be in this kind of situation

"i know you are mad at me, i'm sorry, i really wanted to visit you since day one. but i don't have the courage. well, i was guilty. guilty for avoiding you and being such a coward"

a coward? in what?

"well, i know we have a lot of things to talk about, so you really need to wake up okay?"

can you just tell me now? i don't have much time as you can see. this is my second day and tomorrow is the final and judgement day.

tell me. 

"hooo! *sigh this is hard for me you know, seeing you like this. i was too afraid when i heard you were on an accident. i haven't even told you about everything yet.

honestly, i don't have any intention to tell you about it, i was planning to bury it in my graveyard. but a week ago, the day of your accident, it made me realize, that i have to say it while i still can. while you are still here. but i don't want like this"

then just say it, if that's important, no matter what the situation is, it wouldn't be that important anymore. 

"i don't even know where to begin, they said that you can still hear voices, so i'm gonna say this, not because i'm thinking you'll die.

i wanted for you to hear it when you are consious, but for now, since i don't have enough courage.

i'm gonna say it now. i'm telling you this since i don't want to wait up anymore. i wanted you to know right now. right at this moment"

what do you want to say? what do you want to tell me?

"here it goes, i didn't ignore you because i was mad or because i don't want to be with you, i did it because it was the only option. the only option for me to let you go, to finally move on. if i still have you in my side, i wouldn't have the chance to forget you, to forget my feelings for you. Yes Samantha Rose Walters, i like you, wait no, i think, i might even love you. that was hard for me to say, you know that. love. that was a big word for me and i told you i love you. you must be touched huh! now that you know someone this awesome loves you. hahaha! okay2, no time for jokes. i was just nervous. i still am, even though you are like this, i feel that you are just right there, standing in front of me. I liked you since the day when we had those late night talks, when you were broken hearted and i was broken hearted, i knew i felt something but i denied it, until i was getting serious with my feelings and from then on, i knew that i did really like you. Remember those times when i teased you with Oliver, i got hurt but that was my only way to talk to you and not be totally obvious with my feelings. but when you said that you were getting in love with this certain guy i don't know. that was when i knew, i don't have a chance. so i gave up. i know, i'm completely a jerk for giving up like that. i was weak. you make me weak. "

asshole. jerk. stupid. idiot

"so yeah, i like you, so can you please come back and let me confess to you, in a proper way? and this time, you are consious enough to give me an answer" he said while smiling

a few minutes after the speech, he went home. my mom came after talking to the doctor. but i sitll can't believe it. the words are not sinking in. i can't believe that all this time, my intuition was right, my friends were right. he really did like me. so that's what Michael has been talking about. he was talking about Lucas. he was so depressed these days and Michael knew it. Gosh! why didn't Michael told me about it. he was more loyal to Lucas. tsk.

 Lucas was an idiot, idiot enough for not telling me. i make you weak? what kind of an excuse is that? i thought you loved you, you should have said something. you should have told me then i could have told you back, that i loved you too. that what i want, more than anything in this world for you to be mine. that i was totally shattered when you ignored me. and the guy i fell in love with? that was you stupid! jerk! why can't you get the message? you were the first guy who made me feel special. You were the first guy i totally loved. you could have just told me before anything of this happened.

i cried the whole evening. too much had happened. too much efforts were wasted. too much tears were shed. too much signs were ignored. totally ignored.

and now you are confessing to me? now, of all time. You have to pick this day Lucas? why? why can't you tell me when i was being all so lively and alive? 

and now it's too late. too late to even start a new beginning.

*sorry for the late update! kasi naman itong magulo kong utak! haha! pasensya!*