Downfall

Chapter 26: Picture Perfect

Through all these years, all of my friends thought we were one big happy family. who wouldn't? i thought so too. that we are happy and contented, as long as we have one another. But one day, a devastation truth came out of the box, i couldn't handle it. i couldn't handle all the lies and truths mixing together. i didn't know what to believe or who to believe. So i couldn't tell my friends, especially to them, they are just too involved, they know me, they know my family, if they knew what happened, if they knew what my mom did, i couldn't bear the thought that she'd look bad in the eyes of my friends. she's still my mom and i love her. but sometimes, i think or a thought came into my mind, they are my friends, they have been for a long time, especially Lisa and Jenny, what if they'll know it to someonelse and that i haven't told them about it, what would they feel? i owe them the truth because they are my friends. so i should tell them. the next day, i invited them for some snacks at this cafe, i know the surroundings is a bit, weird for such a confession but this cafe, has rooms that are locked, for some privacy for the customers. a very well thought.And so, before i told them, i put up some ice breakers, we had a chitchat about our crushes and about school stuffs. those regular talks we usually have. 

But when i initiated it, the serious conversation they haven't even thought that it would come

"guys! actually, there's a reason why i wanted to hang out with you today"

"what is it?" Lisa asked

"it's about my family"

"why?" Jessy asked

"well, lately, i haven't really told you about this one, my family is in a shaky period. My parents are actually separated. not yet legally but in their minds and their hearts, they are and it's actually worst than separated in the papers"

they are all silent. couldn't figure out what right words should be said 

"was this before your accident?"

"yes. it was. i was practically at the peak of my rebellious stage if you noticed that"

"i did. you were always being absent in your classes and that's not you" Rei said

"i know. i was just so depressed that i can't find any meaning anymore to do school works. i just wanted to have fun and party all night. get some distractions. but i knew it was a mistake, i guess after the accident, i know it's not a good idea. i should have released the pain in a different way, maybe create new songs or write some novels about it."

they were still silent, just listening and couldn't believe that i was that strong enough to pretend that i was okay

"i didn't tell you because i don't want to let you know that the family that was onced so perfect was broken. broken by the lies they hide and now we are facing the truths."

"what really did happen?" Lisa asked

"well, first is, my mom fell out of love with my dad, because my dad usually is away and my mom needs someone to support her in times of her weakness, and you know it, the relatives of my dad are so freaking annoying, they really didn't love my mom. also, my dad was eaten by his work. he doesn't have time for my mom anymore"

"what did your dad say?" Rei asked

"well, at first he was in denial and he couldn't accept it, but i told him he should, because my mom isn't happy anymore with us, or maybe she's confused. i don't know. she fell in love with someone"

"what? who's the guy?" They all asked. synchronized

"someone not worthy to be remembered or to be mentioned at all. yeah, she did. i guess she was just looking a substitute and mistook it for love. i dunno. my mom is complicated you know. it's what i got from her. being complicated in everything she's doing"

"so, that's it, now, i don't know what to do. i'm officially a member of a broken family club" i said while laughing

"hey, you shouldn't push yourself too much, we're your friends you know, you can take off the mask" Rei said

"actually, i'm immune, i can't cry that easily anymore. i guess, i've become so numb after months of getting hurt, torturing myself, crying, reminiscing the pain. now, it seems usual to me. it's seems a cliche thing"

"why did you just tell us now? you could have told us sooner, we could have helped you handle the situation, look at you now, you are pretty much wounded" Jenny said

"i couldn't. i was protecting them. i was protecting my mom"

"protecting from what?" Jessy asked

"protecting from the judgemental eyes of people, they don't know the whole story, my mom isn't a sinner or a cheater, she was just tired of dealing things all by her own, she just felt alone. i was just too late in finding that. i thought my mom was okay, she was good at pretending too. but she was scarred. she's the one who's more wounded"

a single tear drop from eyes. i hated talking stuffs like this. because i know, once i've shared it to someone, then it'll become real. i was in a denial. i am still denying the reality that they are separated. that's why i kept it to myself, that is one of the reasons i kept it to myself, because i didn't want it to become real and official. 

then i didn't realize, i couldn't stop myself from crying

they all hugged me. tight. 

after the crying and all the dramas, i asked my friends if they could keep it a secret. not to let it spread out in the universe. and they all promised

The next day, Lucas is trying to go out with me or talk to me but i keep on avoiding me. i don't even know why i'm doing this when in fact, this is what i've been waiting for. For us to be back the way we used to be

"hey Walters, wanna watch a movie this saturday? i heard that "Percy Jackson: sea monsters" is showing"

"really? hmm, sorry, i'm busy that day, maybe next time?" 

"sure, there will always be a next time"

Gosh! what am i doing? i don't understand myself, i've been like this lately, trying to internalize my actions but i just couldn't understand it anymore

That night, my mom came over to our house again, it seems that things are going well with her and dad, they are not quite back together but at least they are talking and she's here, with us. I don't see the guy anymore, well, in fact, i don't want to see him and my mom knows it. My mom and dad cooked us some dinner, it was like just the days before, teamwork. they always cook together during dinner, if dad is at home. they seem happy again. i wish this wouldn't end

"so, mom, planning to stay here forevs?" i asked

"no, sweetie, it's not like that. it's complicated" my mom replied

"yes but for now, don't worry about that, just get well soon okay?" my dad replied too

"i guess you didn't got what you want" my brother whispered to my ears

Yes. it is still a fact, that my mom fell out of love with him and it feels like there will not be a chance for them to get back together.