His Soulmate | Bucky Barnes ✔

Chapter Forty

The days were getting a little easier. I felt myself growing stronger though most mornings took a lot of effort to get out of my bedroom. Bucky stood solid by my side throughout, never once questioning when I asked him to stay in my rooms whilst I changed, or me waiting by his bathroom door whilst he showered. Noises made me jump, no matter what caused them, and if I was alone for longer than five minutes I could feel my heart speed up.

Sleeping was the worst. Closing my eyes and allowing myself to fall into a darkening pit, the sight of dead bodies and the sound of ringing gunshots clouding my mind. I couldn't differentiate between memory and imagination, and I think that's what scared me the most. Three innocent men lost their lives because of me, as well as those HYDRA agents the others confirmed I had killed.

Their bodies had been removed from the Tower by the time I came back home, but I couldn't look in the direction of the stairwell for the fear of seeing a trace of what may have been left behind.

The doctors funerals were held a week after my return. Tony found out the details, but I knew I wouldn't be able to face it. Some of the Avengers offered to go on my behalf, and with them took an explanation as to what had happened. The families didn't hate me, but thanked me for passing on information on of their loved ones. I still felt the guilt though, weighing down my heart as I tried to return to a normal life.

***

"Ammy!" I jumped back, startled as a tiny ball of pink frills threw themselves into my arms. Lila's beaming smile was directed at me as she held onto my shoulders, her pink dress matching the plastic tiara she'd slid over her ears. "Happy New Year Ammy!"

I felt unescaped tears burning as she buried her face into my shoulder, her arms wrapping around my neck as I bounced her up onto my hip. I wasn't able to attend the annual New Years Party hosted by Avengers Tower due to the short coma my body had slipped into following HYDRAs torment. Bucky hadn't gone either, to my knowledge, and Peter was quick to add he only went for a short while, as if I would disapprove of him leaving my unconscious side.

Clint had told me that Lila had asked after me for the entire evening, sad that her friend couldn't come and watch the fireworks with her. He'd tried his best to explain I wasn't well, which would explain the card that was clutched in Lila's hand, thrusted into my face.

"What's this?" I smiled, my voice a whisper. I had to gather a lot of energy to sound enthusiastic, but I knew the small girl wouldn't mind my quiet voice if I smiled wide.

"Get well card. We made them for Granny when Mummy had to visit her at the hospital, so I made one for you. Are you better now?" Her eyes narrowed as she studied my face, "you don't look ill."

"I'm a lot better Lila, thank you for my card!" I gushed, and spun her in a small circle, tickling her side as she giggled loudly. Clint smiled from the corner of the kitchen, giving me a nod before sitting on the sofa in the living rooms. He knew not to leave me by myself.

"Ammy, I'm a princess."

"Yes you are," I smiled, tracing her tiara with my finger, "the prettiest princess."

"I met a princess at the party! And she said I was the best princess she's ever seen!"

"You met a princess? Who?" I stood her card on the table, then hugged her tight to my side as her small hands clapped by my shoulder.

"Princess Shuri! Petey told me her name, and she gave me a big hug!"

My heart swelled at the image of Lila meeting a real princess, and knowing it was Shuri made me even happier. She would be a wonderful role model to Lila, and the fact she was still this happy after a fortnight showed how much it meant to her.