Mechanical Heart

Chapter 30

Dear Beloved Karita,

I'm sorry we had to end like this, I'm sorry I am going to have to die on you. But baby, I tried as hard as I could I swear. My body wouldn't listen to my willful pleas or my constant prayers. I am so sorry but I can feel my body completely shutting down on me, and I don't think I can take it. I am so sorry my dear wife, I don't think my apology will ever be enough to be able to make it up to you. If youre not happy then I'm not either. So please for your dear husband please be happy and try to atleast do things and do everything you have ever dreamt off. I may not be with you physically but honey I am right here. I am in your heart, I am a piece of you, I am you remember that. You are my lovely wife and I am so happy and content that I was able to spend almost my entire life with you. You made everything better by just being there, with your lovely glow and light to things. Also the soft side to you, the way you felt things deeper than other people. You really are something Karita, and I was glad and more than enough grattitude to the fact that you were mine. Remember when we first met? I do. How can I forget? It was the biggest, most exciting event that ever took place in my life and after that it just kept on getting better. It was at a book store, in the non-fiction section, aisle 7. I was struggling to pick out a new book that would interest me, and then I felt a tap on my shoulder. To my surprise a completely beautiful girl stood there, with a smile so bright it could have matched the sun. That beautiful girl is you, in case you're wondering and haven't already realized that you are the only beautiful girl in my life. Anyway you must have guessed my situation right because the very next thing after bedazzling me with your smile was you placed a thick book in my hands. It was a thick book called "I hunt killers" by Barry Lyga. You smiled once more and whispered, "it's my favorite," and then you took off. To other people this would probably be just a regular occurrence, but to a person who loves books and enjoys the presence of characters and depends on that escape from reality from these pages, it isn't. To you a book wasn't just a book, it's a whole new world, where you run off too. It was your favorite world, It was sacred and holy to you and yet you shared that world with a complete stranger, me. To me that was amazing. The very next day I happened to transfer schools and it ended up being that we became classmates, I noticed you first, from 1,500 people, I noticed you. Your dark dip dyed blue hair, your poise, you manner, your yellow fluffy dress, and a huge red bow worn in your hair made you so different and unique. My eyes ravished you, and I liked you immediately. You stood out among the crowd. The only 14 year old with strange hair color. With the exotic need to stand out and not be boring and blend out. Right that moment all I ever wanted to do was for you to keep that smile, that spark you had in you, that huge spark that hasn't been ignited yet. Me being in a devastating state, I wasn't really worried. However I was worried I would hurt you. It's killing me to say this, but I do not deserve you, I never did, no one ever will deserve you. You're an angel, you're to good for us puny humans. When I got you, I had no idea how I did it, because you were you and I was well me. Please do not blame yourself for this, this was all on me. I wanted to do it, I'd rather have your mourn once than mourn forever. If I live on like this, I'll only hurt you longer, but once I'm gone you'll be at peace, even if you mourn, you won't mourn forever. You'll learn to smile and walk on your own again, I promise. You're stronger than you think, and you have a heart of gold. Don't ever forget I am never actually going to be gone forever, I am going to be right here. Watcing over you, I am going to be that voice of hope and recognition of you, I will never let you go honey. You will always be immemnsly loved by me. Go to Derek, he will keep you happy, he will keep you safe. Remember our Vows: Ill give you forever, I'll be with you forever, I promise, I will be with you, as will you be with me. I will die happy, because my life was perfect with you. Side by side, always my one true love, Karita, Side by side.

Yours Truly,

Xavier Xetri