Mechanical Heart

Chapter 14

I wiggled my toes and then fluttered my eyes open. I strolled to the bathroom and stared at myself. My hair was all over the place and my eyes were swollen from the amount of tears that were shed last night. I stared down at my hand, at my couple ring in particular. The infinity, it was supposed to represent the infinite tingles and feelings of love that ran through our bodies every time we were with each other. I shifted my eyes to my newest necklace. It was an early birthday gift from Xavier, he slipped it in my hands as we peeled away. The necklace was of a silver mechanical heart, it was gorgeous but it caught my interest entirely. It was as if it was my own heart and that as long as the dial on the heart kept spinning, I'd keep breathing. But as soon as it stopped I would drop to the ground dead, no pulse no smile but a cold corpse. I shook off my thoughts and grimly stared back at myself. My reflection. My reflection looked gloomy, troubled and in pain. Pain. It was such a vague word. A word with so many meanings. There were different kinds of pain. An example of the two types of pain is mental and physical pain. Physical pains are more obvious but still hurt a hella lot. Mental pains however are almost invisible and cause the physical pain to stir up. I took a deep breathe in. Just like I practiced. I have got to learn to be strong. I just have to hold it in. My MacBook Air beeped and I almost ran to flip it open.

'You have just received a Message.' - Skype .

I used my mouse pad on my MacBook and clicked on the Skype pop up maximizing the Skype page.

'XavierxetribelongstoKarita is calling you.' Skype

I answered right away. The picture was blurry and then pitch black at first. Then when light shined I stared closer and Xavier was seated on an office chair with a bag of lays in his hands. I stared at the video, his room was the average dormitory room. It was a bland white color with a bulletin board which was covered with photos of us, photos of me. A smile finally creeped itself on my face.

"It's not completely decked out, I mean I kinda just got here. When I first got here I just died. Not literally though, I slept for about four hours. Then I decked out the room a bit, here and there. Then I called you." He yawned.

"I like it though. You feeling alright?" A mask of worry took over me.

"Naw I'm fine, just tired." He grinned.

"How is it there?" I whispered.

"Well for one there is no Karita. So it sucks there, I haven't been to any classes yet though." He stared at me.

I grabbed my glasses and placed them on and then giggled at his last remark.

"Hey, how you holding up?" He asked.

"Honestly? Shitty. I mean I didn't stop crying for probably the entire night." I groaned.

"I could tell! Your eyes are swollen. Well at least you care for me babe. I cried too, it kills my manliness but I cried the entire way here." He laughed.

"Your dad didn't call yet?" I asked with concern.

"Who? Oh he probably doesn't give a rats ass bout me." He stated bitterly.

"That's not true! He loves you!" I argued.

"How do you know that?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"Because you're super lovable. I can tell I have experience ya know. " I smiled showing off my dimples.

"Is that so?" He ran his hand through his hair and sighed deeply.

"What's wrong?" My eyebrow furrowed.

"Do you know how much I wanna kiss you? How much I just want to hold you in my arms. How much I just want to lay down with you and look at your eyes sparkle as you look up at the stars. How much I--" he broke off.

"Hey, hey. Look at me." I commanded gently.

"What?" He stared intently back at me.

"We're going to fine, and I miss you too but we're going to make it through all this bullshit and we are still going to be together. Okay? Side by side remember?" I smiled.

"Side by side." He breathe in. "By the way when's your next match? And don't you have school today?"

"Well my next match is in two weeks. I'm actually training for it, trained yesterday gotta train today too, and as for school it starts in an hour." I mumbled.

"And you're going right?"

"Wasn't planning to." I mumbled once more.

"You're going, okay? Because you've gotta go there and show off your smartness."

"Fine fine I'll go." I grumbled. "You should go to bed now, no waiting up for me."

"But."

"No, bed."

"Jeez fine, fine I got ya. Have fun baby doll. I love you." He smiled.

"Love you too."

I ended the video call and went to go get dressed for school. I was going to go school and I was going to get this year over with. I put on a black tank top and skinny blue jeans. I brushed my hair but today was really not my hair day so I put it in a side braid and applied light make up. I stared at my reflection. It was now masked with make up it almost made me look perfect. Almost. I looked at myself, I finally understand why people bathe themselves in masks. It isn't to hide their faces but to hide their pain, emotions and thoughts. It's prevents us from noticing one another's true color. Sadly enough people preferred it that way, people would rather die with secrets rather than an open book. It's sad. Life is truly sad. And guess what? I'm really sad too.

I sat in the schools parking lot with a few so called friends. Some of them were smoking a cigarette, some were trying to mug an entire bottle of booze, and the other we're just talking. One of the girls with the cigarette looked at me and then walked over to me. She pulled out an extra cigarette and lit it up then place it in between my fingers.

"Now you can breathe." She winked and walked back to her friends.

I stared down at the cigarette. It was one of the most evil things on the planet but yet it was one of the most precious, most desired. It was scary how fickle the earth was with its choices towards life and death. One day we want to protect life and go against death, the other day we want to destroy life and join death. Then we regret our decisions. Regret. I think we are all run by regret. We can't help it, we don't want it but it's just there. I brought up the cigarette and placed it in between my lips. I closed my eyes once more. I opened them and pulled out the cigarette and threw it on the ground and crushed it with my Vans. I jumped of my the high wall and shrugged my bag on my shoulder and proceeded to enter the building.

"What was that all about?" Derek quizzed from behind me.

"Life." I flipped him off and pick up the pace.

And it was the truth. Well the vague truth. It was life, we were life, I was life. I was just not a very good one.