Mechanical Heart

Chapter 8 (Edited)

I dragged my feet along the hallway, pulling my body to class unwillingly. The things we had to do to be able to successfully conform with society's deemed way of living life the right way. My mind wasn't even ready to be functioning properly with this absurd requirement to be at school at an ungodly hour. Honestly did suck that I didn't have more hours to sleep in, sleeping did have health benefits, or did society just throw that out of the window when they were determining the scheduling of school.

 My mind was elsewhere today and I was having an increasingly hard time moving, even more so then usual I must say, and getting to class was not something I wanted to be doing entirely anyway. I grabbed a lock of my hair and twirled it and attempted to whistle as I strolled casually into my classes. I entered my class, scanned the room for a familiar face, found Derek and then placed myself next to Derek. I offered a warm, comforting smile and he returned it with his charming dashing one, the one which could make girls swoon and yet all it did to me was made me realise that I should have probably spent a little more extra bucks on those retainers to keep those pearly whites perfectly straight. I sat there in class, my mind wandering aimlessly anywhere except for the contents that were being shared in this class, which meant I was being a regular student who was definitely not paying any attention to my class. My thoughts went to the one idea I was currently dreading the most. Xavier's graduation, as he is a senior and the schools year is coming to an end soon, it meant I would no longer get to see Xavier on a daily basis any more. I rested my head on my palm and let out a low sigh, I was going to be on my own entirely for a whole year and that more or less terrified me.

 He applied for a scholarship to his dream college in New Zealand, but because of money shortage if he didn't get the scholarship, he would stay here and apply to a local college. I don't want to let him go, I really don't. But it's his dream and what am I compared to a dream and I know that I should be pushing for the best for him so that is why I really do hope that he gets that scholarship and he gets to go that university that he wants to be at. Yet at the same time would it be so bad for him to study at a local university, I closed my eyes, I know that I was being highly selfish, not being aware of his happiness. I am being selfish but it doesn't mean I don't care, I want him to stay for us, not me, but us. That one person who becomes so important to you, more than the universe, you can't just let them go like that. I can't let him go just like that. It's not that simple. I'd be letting him go, he'd be happy but I feel as if that he is going to take my heart away. It's also that nagging fear, that fear that he might find someone else. But I'm not saying I don't want him to get to go. I truly don't know what I'm saying anymore, I want the best for him, I truly do. I just don't understand why the best for him has to hurt the us we've built. Nevertheless if he does get to go, I would be happy for him because I am happy for him, I just don't know how to explain it. This is so frustrating.

 My thoughts were forcefully interrupted by squeals and gleeful shrieks and applauses from the hallways. The results have come in I assume and I could hear Xavier's glee down the corridor. Xavier's head popped up by the door and he motioned for me to come out. The class was beginning to get boring anyway, I got up and walked down as I sat in the back no one really noticed that I walked out of the classroom. I pulled open the door and slammed it shut. Xavier had disappeared. Weird, he was just here. I felt firm arms snake around my waist and jerk my body to the side. Soft lips danced on my neck.

"I got in." He smiled in between the kisses.

"Like you didn't already know." I scoffed

"I really didn't." He laughed.

"New Zealand Huh?" I smiled.

"Yep, hey, Karita."

"Hmm?"

"I love you to the moon and back." He winked

"All the way to the moon?" I beamed

"No duh."

"I love you too, my knight in shinning armor." I smiled at his lips and we just stood there in each others embrace not wanting this bitter sweet moment to come to an abrupt end.

It was Iunch and I sat next to Xavier and the rest of the seniors as they all chattered away in excitement. They ate pizza amongst other stuff, to celebrate their acceptances and their gleeful voices. Heads were being thrown back in laughter. Shaking figures collided within each other, and tears of happiness spilled from some. I just sat there, stinking up the excitement with my unconfined gloominess and sorrow. Nobody noticed though, it was an ignorable stench. I looked at Xavier, his laughing figure, his pale lips, soft eyes, and black shoulder length hair. He was going to be gone. I lowered my eyes to my hands, to my couple ring. A ring of a mechanical heart. I hope it doesn't stop. I felt a soft nudge from the girl on the left to me. I ignored it assuming it was purely accidental. I felt another nudge this time it was harsher. I turned and narrowed my eyes at her. She got up and strode away. I raised an eyebrow but I decided that I would comply, I quickly turned and motioned to Xavier that I'd be back and he nodded.

"Wha--" but i was cut off

"Did you read his essay?"

"What essay?"

"One of his scholarship requirements were that he had to write an essay with a prompt."

"I didn't know about that." I whispered.

"You weren't supposed to." She smirked. "But since I am an angel, here's a copy of it. Your welcome"

"Um."

"Well? It's a paper with words on it, I highly suggest you read it." She flipped her hair and swayed herself away.

I stared at the folded papers, what'd he write about? Me? Wanting to break up with me? His dreams? Ambitions? Why was she so keen on showing it to me. Why didn't he tell me about it though. I straightened the paper, took a deep breath and then finally I let my eyes scan the paper.